A Wife and two kids how to mix in Golf

[Gautama]

Haven't read any of the posts...but the answer is, always choose time with them first. This chapter of your life really is over in the blink of an eye, and the only thing anyone comes out of it regretting is not being more present for it. Not to be all preachy or anything, lol. Really though, immerse yourself in the family, it will make all the difference in your life.

[BNGL]

I admit I haven’t read every post, but can you bring them with you? 3 can putt around, and 6 can start I’d think? Who knows maybe they get hooked, and they ask you to golf with them.

[NoTalentLefty]

Wait until they grow up, then golf more. If you can’t wait then you got a golf problem.

[onafriday]

I’ll flip it a little. We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

 

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while. The second one....kills golf. Just kills it.

 

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority. But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along .... to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

 

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids. It’s a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent. I sort of dread weekends.

 

Plain and simple- I’m pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.

[Mcgeeno]

I wanted to tip toe around this one, but I went the other way and got snipped at 31 years old so I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Travel the world, golf 110+ rounds a year etc.

 

To each his own.

 

I had no desire to try and plan out the 4 times a year I can hang out with friends and go out for five hours without making it a huge ordeal. I have a good friend who literally posted on facebook this weekend that he and his wife went on their first date night in four years...How is that healthy for a relationship? Wife and I play 2-3 rounds together a week.

[bigmoneyp]

I'll flip it a little. We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

 

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while. The second one....kills golf. Just kills it.

 

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority. But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along .... to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

 

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids. It's a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent. I sort of dread weekends.

 

Plain and simple- I'm pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.

 

I only have one and while I don't resent my wife or child, I def wish I was playing more golf. I'm only getting out twice a month at this point. I will get some relief soon though (my kid just turned 3) and they have this thing call "3-school" which I guess is just like an extra year of pre-school or something. Either way my kid will go to that 2x a week and with my work schedule I'll be able to golf during those times. Gotta find what works for you.

[Break81]

Ill flip it a little. We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

 

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while. The second one....kills golf. Just kills it.

 

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority. But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along .... to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

 

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids. Its a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent. I sort of dread weekends.

 

Plain and simple- Im pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.

Hang in there.

 

Hopefully you can find a sale job that allows you to golf around your schedule and not be so locked into the work flow. I work 50+ hours a week, but some of those hours are after the kids have been fed and bathed so if I work 4-5 hours in the morning , then golf and work another 3-4 hours at night once a week I can still get 5-6 rounds a month.

 

I would love to golf more but it’s enough while the kids are young.

[FadeFace]

Try for 2 round s a week. It’s pretty manageable

[howellhandmade]

I’ll flip it a little. We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

 

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while. The second one....kills golf. Just kills it.

 

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority. But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along .... to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

 

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids. It’s a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent. I sort of dread weekends.

 

Plain and simple- I’m pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.

 

You shouldn't get guilt trips for 4 rounds a year. Also, I can't imagine four rounds a year is enough of a break to do much good. As I think I posted before, I stopped playing golf for 15 years while my 3 kids were growing up, sold my clubs and thought I was done. Not pressure from my wife, it just wasn't possible to find blocks of time that large in a given day. I did other things for fun; cycling, where I could go out and hammer for an hour. Hobbies, making things, where I could be absorbed in something but still be accessible. Motorcycles, where I could combine transportation with fun without adding much extra time.

 

I know there are guys whose work and domestic situations seem to allow golf. Mine didn't and yours may not either. But being miserable all the time is no bueno, not for you, not for your family. You may be depressed -- I certainly struggled during those years -- and being depressed robs you of the ability to enjoy things that might otherwise give you the little breaks you need. Too much negative stress -- and little kids can be stressful -- gets your brain chemistry out of whack and then it's a vicious cycle until something breaks. There must be someone in your life who can do a better job than strangers on the internet of helping you find a way to cope. Ideally you could level with your wife about it, and if she's so stressed and unhappy herself that you can't maybe you both need to talk to someone.

 

Good luck.

 

[slicktry]

I can chime in on this thread. We have 4 kids, and of those four, 3 have had health issues. (Oldest is 9, youngest 2) The oldest and second youngest were born with cleft palettes and our 2 year old was born with non functioning kidneys. He is currently on dialysis (7pm-7am daily at home) and will be having a kidney transplant around the end of September this year. On a good week I get out once or twice depending on hospital visits etc. I try to bring out the two oldest kids to the course at least once a week to the driving range and short game area. I CAN'T wait till they have the stamina (and ambition) to walk a full nine with me.

 

Kids are a phase and I STRONGLY encourage to do whatever it takes to get them hooked on the game. Having your kids golfing with you is not only good exercise for them but can also teach them valuable life lessons (cheating/honesty).

 

God Bless

Jer

[69isfine]

I've been through it. I used to take both kids for 9 holes after their sat soccer games in a cart. They would golf from yardage friendly to their hitting distances and they loves driving the cart. I would also take them to the range to hit balls or run around the grassy areas. My daughter is now in the golf industry.

 

My game was on Sunday mornings so I would be home by 10:30 or 11.

 

During the week, my wife would have her time to swim or meet up with friends.

 

It's all about balancing needs.

[JasonPetermann]

When mine were young, I teed off every Friday at 5am. Mostly played by myself, but was normally home by 8:30 when the house was just getting moving. Wife did not seem to mind, and it fed my golf appetite. Find an early time so you are not missing much family time.

[A.G. Pennypacker]

I've got my first (just over 2 months), and am fortunate enough that my company pays for parental leave so I'm taking a couple of months off. Have been getting out 2-3 times a week, but I always do it when I'll be gone for the shortest amount of time. Early rounds before my wife and daughter are out of bed have been great, as well as evenings when she spends most of the time feeding or napping... both of which, I can get around my course in around 3 hours.

 

Really not looking forward to going back to work where I travel a couple hundred days a year, because I'll want to spend all my time at home with my family and it will really hurt my golf game.... but these times only come once. I would hate to have grown kids and regret forgoing family time to spend time on the course with friends/acquaintances.

[BCULAW]

Late to the party here, but this has been a constant struggle in my marriage both before and with kids. Before kids, I used to work ridiculously long hours, 7 days a week, so there simply was not time for golf. When I played, I might get 7-10 holes in just before dark.

 

My solution is this: I called several local courses and asked if I could play by myself before the first group feed off, as early as they would let me out. I found one course that agreed (and have since found others). I would tee off as early as 6 AM (being sure to give the grounds crew any space they needed). Playing by myself, I could play at my own pace, which is usually pretty fast. My personal record was 1 hour and 12 minutes for 18 holes getting a round in before a tournament started at 8 AM. I typically could finish up by 9 AM, shower in the locker-room, and get to the office by 10AM on the weekends. Since having kids, the same rules apply, but I skip the shower and head home to spend time with them and my wife. They usually have just woken up shortly before I get home (same is true for my wife) so I’m not missing time with any of them really.

 

As they’ve gotten older, I get out to play more and more at “normal” times, but I’ve kept my morning tee times. It’s turned into my therapy. Just me and the course. It’s my favorite golf time, by far.

[Jstdoit95]

Let the kids drive/steer the cart and/or get as much playing in during the week as possible and spend weekends with the fam

[pmadden86]

Have an 18 month old, and #2 on the way in January. Been a member at my course for 21 years (since i was 11). I have decided i'm going to take a few years out, not bother joining, just hit the local range, and pay to play if the opportunity comes up.

 

I'd rather not play than spray it around the place through lack of practice, and if I did join I don't want to resent my wife and kids for time I am stuck at home when I think I could be golfing.

 

I will probably get a round once a month during the spring/summer/autumn, and range once a week.

 

That course will always be there when I want to go back to it, when the early years with the kids are gone, you don't get them back.

[Korndog]

Get your kids playing ASAP. Mine started when they were about 2. They are now 10 and 13. They shoot between 38 and 42 regularly for nine holes. We play together 3 or 4 times a week and the wife never complains when I take them out for 9 or 18. It took a little work upfront, but it has paid off 10 fold. They both love the game and they have actually been playing tournaments regularly for the last 3 years or so. The only down side is now we have 3 golf fanatics in the house. It's crazy, but even at 10 and 13 they are obsessed with the game and always looking for new equipment etc.

[atteberry23]

Include the kids and or wife?

 

On the weekends I am the first group off so I can get back by 10am and spend the rest of the day at home.

 

The nice thing is you can golf your entire life!

[atteberry23]

That is also a good idea. My club has a pool, have them spend time at the pool!

[rosy]

I literally had this discussion a couple weeks ago. What we agreed to is 1x a week + unlimited during normal working hours (to the extent work doesn’t care). In addition I signed my daughter up for swim lessons once a week (daddy daughter bonding time), and carved out 4 hours for my wife to go to the gym, get her nails done, etc.

 

It’s working well so far :)

[GolfChannel]

You either have to play with your wife & kids or just the kids. I am able to play a lot because I have made golf the thing my daughter and I do together. It’s super enjoyable, just go into a round knowing you likely will have to let everyone behind you through. That said, it has allowed me even more opportunities to golf alone because my wife appreciates the alone time and actively tries to get me my own alone time on the course.

 

My wife is pretty good at golf so she doesn’t mind going out, but she is a fast player and actually has more of an issue golfing with my daughter than I do (irony).

[GolfChannel]

My kid is 4, so you just roll with the punches. She typically only likes to tee off, hit out of the bunkers, and putt. I usually let her hit 4 balls off the tee and she only hits 1 out of the bunkers, and putts 1 on the green.

[kjohn5050]

This is a tough balance. I have a 4 and 8 year old. I try to golf early in mornings(and usually only 9)and leave afternoons to doing that things they love(pool/park).

[nellycuz]

Get your kids playing ASAP. Mine started when they were about 2. They are now 10 and 13. They shoot between 38 and 42 regularly for nine holes. We play together 3 or 4 times a week and the wife never complains when I take them out for 9 or 18. It took a little work upfront, but it has paid off 10 fold. They both love the game and they have actually been playing tournaments regularly for the last 3 years or so. The only down side is now we have 3 golf fanatics in the house. It's crazy, but even at 10 and 13 they are obsessed with the game and always looking for new equipment etc.

 

This is my philosophy, glad it worked for you. I just had my 2nd child, and I'm going to take my two year old out to the course for the first time tomorrow to give Mom a break. She will enjoy riding in the cart and getting out running around when I hit my shots (I hope)! Just going to try to make it fun for her. Right now in the yard, she likes to watch me hit shots...she doesn't necessarily like taking her own swings yet. But I'm hoping to make this a really fun experience for her tomorrow, one where she will ask if we can go golfing again.

 

She's been to Golf Galaxy about 10 times with me and enjoys messing around on the putting green and says she wants to go "golfing". That's a good start in my book.

 

How did you get your kids started in golf at the age of two? Along the same lines as I'm thinking?

[mookie102]

Its tough to balance. See I have a son from a previous marriage she didn't like me golfing...and now re-married and my current wife gets it. I don't do much else but hang out with my family, work and golf. I have daddy duty every other weekend I play early on the weekends I can play...also play at least 2 nine hole rounds during the week and usually done in time to get my daughter from day care.

[Big Ben]

For those of you with young children say 3-7 be prepared the time commitment only continues to grow. Make sure you figure these things out or it will not end well for you. It's all about communication and commitment. If you don't have it my advice better find it. I adore my children, now 10 and 13. Great kids and they are very busy. I wouldn't trade the time I've reallocated from golf. God willing and good health there will be more time for golf when the kiddos fly the nest and begin there own journeys as adults.

[jackmfarrow]

About 3 rounds per month. Hoping one of our kids gets into the game which would allow for more time

[daegyu]

Try to find a system where you can still get from the game what you need. My wife and kids are awesome and I want to be able to be a great husband/dad for them. But part of that means you also have to be fulfilled to be at your best. Golf gives me the outlet for competition that I need to get my juices flowing. It also gives me time to decompress after a long day of work. Golf helps me find my center which allows me to be a better version of myself when I'm home. 

 

I understand the people that tell you that golf will be there in the future. But I like playing the game while I'm still young enough to hit longish drives and being able to stop 4 irons on the green. I want to enjoy playing golf in what's left of my fleeting physical prime. I might have the time to play golf when I'm 60, but I'm not so sure I'd rather be golfing than fishing at that age. 

[LegendJeff]

*retracted in good taste 

 

 

Edited November 3, 2022 by LegendJeff

[Teebs]

With everything in life, it's all about a balance. Advising someone else is really tough. 

I used to road cycle and the amount of guys I knew who were separated/divorced because of their obsession with the sport was ridiculous - what's the point?

 

For me

 

6 year old who has started to play. Try and get out once during the week in season (March to November) and once at the weekend. The weekend round will usually be early doors (8am) so I'm back for just after lunch. Might be a few all day events during the summer, but that's balanced off with my wife seeing friends and doing other stuff where I have childcare. Having one 6 year old does make it easier than some guys with more kids..