Best golf insults or one liners

[ldandrea]

I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

[Soloman1]

I rarely get angry, but one poser wannabe I played with years ago was so ridiculously slow that I let loose with, "For heaven's sake, just hit the damn ball! Our clothes are going out of style waiting for you!"

 

 

[DavePelz4]

Mrs. Pelz tells me I have the perfect face for radio.

[double_d]

Got paired up with a twosome. One guy was a solid golfer and the other was a beginner.

The good golfer was trying to help his buddy out during the round. They weren't holding us up or anything so it was fine, and my view is, at some point we were all beginners.

Finally at about the 14th hole or so the beginner is frustrated and his buddy, the good golfer, just says, "Maybe you're left-handed?"

[tatertot]

High pressure situation ... Buddy (whose a single cap) cold tops a drive and there is an uneasy silence broken by "Catch that one a groove low?"

[Nessism]

You're still away.

[GolfWithdrawals]

"Hey, don't put yourself down. You're not, uh... you're not... you're not good. You stink."

[fillwelix]

> @ldandrea said:

> I played with a guy the other day who gave me the best one liner I’ve ever heard. I shanked my drive on the first tee and he turned to me straight faced and said “shake it off you had a bad lie”. I almost pissed myself! What’s the best one liner or insult you’ve heard on the course?

 

That's a great one, I say something similar when someone leaves a putt short "Smart choice to lay up from there. From that lie? Smart golf"

[fillwelix]

> @Nessism said:

> You're still away.

 

A dead sheep. (Still ewe)

[ldandrea]

These are all great! I can't wait to play this afternoon!

[oldpalchamp]

You and two buddies are on the tee and another friend asks to join you, and you say, "Sorry, we already have three."

[cardoustie]

I personally love "that's a good shot for you"

[disco111]

Had a guy in our group, that when marking his ball on the green, was very generous with replacing it. He would mark and replace at least 2 times and sometimes a third time. One day, a new player that joined us watched this in wonder as we didn't say anything. Finally on about the 5th hole, after he watched marking 2 times, he just blurted out........."mark it again and it's a gimme".

[3ack]

I'm just a big fan of any emasculating comment after leaving a putt well short

[HatsForBats]

My buddy will bock like a chicken if you leave a putt short or tell you 'there's still some poo left in that diaper' if you overcook a putt. I like to tell him 'nice 9-iron' when he is satisfied with one of his drives that is well short of mine.

 

 

[Mitchell]

In group with two older gentleman at a nice resort course and one playing partner hit an iron shot very fat, guy blurted out "does anyone else smell Chinese food?"?

[Warrior42111]

Lady in my usual group had me in tears. Hit a big drive and left a putt way short. Walking of the green she says " so biggest d%$# and biggest meat curtains of the group...well it is 2019 so it's possible"

[dcfas]

In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

[jwhite86]

My go-to is "Right club, wrong player"

[JsameM]

Left a putt well short and my buddy casually says "Hard to get it to the hole with all that chicken shit on your ball...."

[BermBuster]

After a popped-up drive, "Did you just hit a pitching wood?"

[TKS]

A severely lipped - out putt: "she had it in her mouth, and then her mom walked in."

 

[gioguy21]

"with how often you're in the woods, i'm sure you have a tree iron"

[James the Hogan Fan]

I was playing with my buddy who let go a good drive and said “man I hit that to china!” I got up and uncorked one that sailed past his ball on the fly and said, “but I had the nonstop. You seem to have a layover in Denver”

[smashdn]

> @dcfas said:

> In less sensitive to gender days, the phrase, “Hit it, Alice” may have been heard every so often, usually after a short putt.

 

My go to in reference to myself.

[TIM929]

I use “ man I got kids” a lot in a variety of situations.

 

I just change the tone as fits.

 

Someone shanks - MAN, I got kids.

taking a long time to putt - maaann, I got kids.

While someone takes my money after a round - man.... I got kids.

 

 

[KAndyMan]

Overheard a guy tell his buddy who left his putt severly short “might have better luck using your purse next time”.

[sharkiesj]

Whenever someone smokes a drive 350+ splitting the fairway, I always deadpan.....Don’t worry, it’s ok. You’re next one will be better.

[Ripper212]

After a thin mis-hit that somehow ends up on the green - That's a sister-in law shot. I'm on but I shouldn't be!

[mizuno player]

The only only I could think of and not have the word police ban me.

 

Middle of the fairway and I missed the green by a mile. Partner turns and says.

 

Great shot. Great shot. That was really the only play you had. Other shots were too risky. No doubt he was correct.