Best golf insults or one liners

[Kaysquare]

When someone putts but is still the farthest from the hole...."USGA" (you suck, go again)

[HackinHector]

I once left a putt woefully short, my playing partner said” That’s a USGA putt, U Suck Go Again…

[Imp]

5 hours ago, HackinHector said:

 

On 12/22/2019 at 11:23 AM, Kaysquare said:

When someone putts but is still the farthest from the hole...."USGA" (you suck, go again)

 

I once left a putt woefully short, my playing partner said” That’s a USGA putt, U Suck Go Again…

Have you been sitting on that for a couple years, and just found out Kaysquare was your partner or something?

 

[Wooley12]

When a playing partner hits an ugly shot and asks "What did I do wrong?" I'll reply with "Well, from what I can see, you're standing too close to the ball after you hit it."

Edited December 1, 2021 by Wooley12

[AngryGilmore]

I saw one (and it actually may have been on this site) that I use on friends who are bad bunker players.

 

"You had a Hitler on that last hole."   Him:  "A Hitler?"   Me:  "Yeah.  Two shots in the bunker."

[Moby]

On the tenth tee I called my BIL - 007

He asked me why?

I said, well on the front nine you:

Hit 0 fairways 

Had 0 GIR'S

and lost 7 golfballs 

[Ripper212]

Best I've heard for a putt left well short:

 

Smart play to lay up. Especially with that lie.

[Kmagnuss]

Any bad drive wayyyy off line... "they should put a fairway over there".

[sloansav62]

Our caddy Billy at Secession GC this week is a legend from the Euro circuit with an incredible Scottish brogue. He had so much material it’d take a year to hear a repeat.

My buddy who had been hitting mediocre drives all day finally stripes one on 18, Billy goes “wasn’t expecting that” 😂 

 

Then he goes to me “how was copper wire invented? Two Scotts were arguing over a penny” 😂 

[Wooley12]

As a 13 HC when I am complemented for my good tempo and effortless swing by better players I'll reply, "Thanks,  I got it from my dad who learned with hickory shafts.  It does make mediocre golf look pretty." 

[Jtgavigan]

On 8/5/2019 at 11:08 AM, ohioglfr said:

When someone sets up for a drive, ask them if they breathe in or out on the downswing.

That will mess with their focus.

-Harvey Penick

Had someone do that to me once. Striped one and said "hold my breath" as I put my driver back in the bag. 

[tyd930]

Played a course with a buddy who hadn't played there before.  He slices it right.  I tell him, "Oh, there's room over there".  Then 3 seconds later I say "bedroom, dining room, living room... plenty of room".  This was a residential course, needless to say.

[golfortennis]

One of our regulars had a day where he missed a couple 2 footers.  The one guy said, in his most comforting voice, "maybe that's just not your distance."  That one comes out once a round now.

 

 

[Soloman1]

A tourist playing in Scotland is missing fairways and greens like crazy. Halfway though, he turns to the caddie and says he must be the worst caddie ever.

 

That caddie says no. That would be too much of a coincidence.

[MikeW2]

Paired up once with two random guys. Both really nice guys and good company but one guy really struggled that day, came in well over a hundred. On 17 he rolled a 3 foot putt about 25 feet and started to mumble curse under his breath. He turned to his buddy and said I just don’t understand what is going on, I never play this bad. Without skipping a beat I said to what are you talking about? I’ve never seen you play better. His buddy instantly started dying laughing and it took him a second before he realized what I’d said and started laughing too.

 

When I play with my BIL he takes it way to seriously and occasionally needs to be reeled in. He hit a drive pin straight about 200 yards high and about 125 down the fairway. I teed off next and after I hit I started saying Click Click Click and he asked me what I was doing? I told him my ball was taking aerial pics of his ball as it flew over it.

[shoot4par]

Conclusion of a round shake hands and say "I liked you better as a stranger" 

[jman waterdog]

The best one personal is if you put it of the back of the green and my partner said
 

"Call the cops that one is speeding" 
😂
 

I found it hilarious it was the joke for the rest of the day 

[TiScape]

Since it’s Masters week. I just came up w/this one…

 

Tee 1 at AN and the starter announces “Now driving, Tiger woods”… Patrons scramble for cover! 😂 

[madeonecut]

When one of my playing partners asks  if their putt is good I say I don’t know, pick it up and taste it!

[Caddy59]

I once asked my buddy what thee handicap was on the hole we were playing and he said "That would be your length and you accuracy. I died. 

[bobsmith223]

"Just because Bryson Dechambeau looks like a gorilla when he putts doesn't mean you should!"

[Cirno]

When I slice into OB I tell my playing partner "I paid to use the whole course, not just the fairways. I've gotta get my money's worth!"

Always gets a laugh and some sympathy to help me find the ball.

[Wooley12]

When I catch it on the screws and send my 1st drive of the day long and down the middle I say "Well,  that's one in a row" as I pick up my tee.

[parbung]

after a bad shot. 

 

"that would've been really good if you hit it well"