Have you ever fell out of love with the game?

[Kingdog]

Have been a golf nut since I was 10 years old. Our seasons are short here on the prairies in Canada so every spring in April around Masters time I would get so excited for another 6 short months of golf. Now I think I'm taking next year off completely and maybe permanently. 

 

I had a golf trip this summer that I have been planning for 5 years. 5 bucket list courses in the Rocky Mountains in 4 days with close friends and relatives. I played terrible. Got so frustrated with my play I broke the shaft on my 5 iron. After the trip I didn't play for a month and a half. And honestly had no desire to play. My Dad invited me out this past weekend for a quick 9 holes. Sleepwalked to a 51. Didn't feel anything.

 

Guy's I might be done with a game I've loved for 40 years of my life. Has anyone else ever felt this way before? Did it pass? My wife is ecstatic about getting her husband for a whole year next year and I don't blame her. She deserves it after putting up with the game for 25 years of marriage.  Honestly if I received a email tonight informing me that I won a all expenses paid trip to Bandon Dunes a place I have dreamed about going to I would probably pass. I feel like what's the point I would play terrible. Anyone else been in this dark place? I hope not it doesn't feel good.

[Kmagnuss]

Been there.  Taking a break from the game did me a lot of good, and now I don't take it so serious (even though I'm not very good I seemed to always expect better play than I am capable of). 

[ESOX ZO]

I'd say golf falls out of favor for me towards the end of the season, maybe around early October. Just get to busy with fishing Green Bay and camping this time of year. Not sure if I will ever fall out of love with it though!

[bm11]

I was there for a while. Stuck in a place where I was miserable but couldn't quit. You could search my old posts, I made some here (and rightly got some backlash for my point of view.)

 

I did quit, mid to late last season. For a week, before I took up golf all over again, as a righty (first six years were as a lefty.) This time I went in with no expectations, and a resolution to enjoy it regardless of quality of play. It was the best move I could have ever made. I'm actually playing some of the best golf I've ever played right now (which isn't saying much score wise) but more importantly, I enjoy it and I look forward to it. 

 

One thing to try if you haven't already- read or listen to the audio book of "Golf is Not a Game of Perfect." I learned a lot about how to approach the game and even each shot mentally, and it has made a world of difference in my quality of play. I definitely was guilty of getting in my own head and stringing together bad shots into bad holes into bad rounds when the right mentality is to approach every shot the same way- "this is the only shot that matters, and none of the prior shots have any effect on the outcome of this shot." I definitely had a habit of writing off a hole and even a round after a bad shot or two, writing them off well before it was over. 

[rukahs]

weekly 😄 😄 😄 

[rukahs]

59 minutes ago, Kmagnuss said:

I seemed to always expect better play than I am capable of

 

 

This is one of the most important things I ever learned in this game/or ever realized.  Leave the ego at home and go hit that little white ball around and have fun.

[Hawkeye77]

NEVER

[tatertot]

It depends ... If I'm not playing well, it can happen on the front 9.

 

Honestly, this game is a great release, but it can't be the source of your joy. If you're looking to golf to give your life meaning, you're putting too much pressure on a simple game. You have to enjoy the "walk", the process, of the game, and not get hung up on results as well.

[mvvraz]

Kind of there now... 

 

Went from shooting stable 73-75s to being unable to break 80 in a competitive setting over basically the whole summer. I made a lot of changes to my swing, I can absolute smoke a golf ball, but I simply cannot get my game together for 4 consecutive shots to get a par

 

Been getting better the past week or so. Have a big competition coming up. 

 

Expectations are a nightmare, and so is the handicap system I think

[Ironzol24]

Expectation management is really important, if you don't want to play absolutely take a break! I think if your enjoyment is based entirely on results and how you play it'd be good to reframe what you're actually playing for! 

[Mikey_HACKilroy]

Sometimes when you have other pressures in life it is hard to justify a sport that you feel you don't play well, but want to be better. I struggle with this all the time. I, too, gave it up for 6 years or so because of the stresses of life. Good job gone bad.... Other side projects..... Limited funds..... You name it....

 

When I came back to it this year, I made it my mission to be better than I was before. Golf is a sport where you have to be convinced that you can be better in order to actually get better. That means letting go of expectations, and finding something that gives you mental clarity. For me, it's "Don't worry, Be happy Radio" on Pandora. LOL

Something changes when I'm not so tense and thinking of how good my shot should be. Something is better when I'm loose and in good spirits. I don't put expectations on my shot, and so I don't turn those expectations into swing thoughts when I'm at my best. When I'm at my worst - and it happens often - I'm thinking about recovering my score. I'm thinking about how far I need to hit it. I'm thinking about making sure I don't............ etc. etc. etc.

 

It's a funny thing, but I think a part of playing better golf is to let go of those expectations and standards. That doesn't mean that I don't want a better score. It means I have to realize that until I am actually better, those expectations are like whispers in my ear telling me that I'm not good enough. Inevitably, I will prove that I am not, and inevitably I do.

That's not good for any activity.

Edited September 20, 2023 by Mikey_HACKilroy

[Kai Slater]

I was an avid golfer back in the mid 1990s to about 2008, playing, on average 2-3 times per week and hitting balls nearly every day.  I reached the point  where I could and would shoot mostly in the 78-84 range on any given round.  I even had a few rounds of 76, including one in Myrtle Beach, where we would frequently gather the family/friends and go for week-long golf trips.  Same with Florida.  I was in my 20s and early 30s, strong, flexible, former track/field state champ, baseball player, etc....golf was "easy" for me, until it all came crashing down one summer in Myrtle Beach.

 

Summer of 2008, I'm at my usual Myrtle Beach area courses on a golf trip, when suddenly I lost my swing, my touch, and my entire attitude/enjoyment for golf.  It was Lions Paw golf course, when it all fell apart.  I could hit it a mile, but in all the wrong directions.  How about a 285 yard hook into the next fairway?  Or hit a nice drive, then totally air-mail the approach to the green by 30 yards, then chunk two chips trying to get on the green where I 3 putt?  Or, hit a 280 yard power slice into the forest OB?  Add in about 11 of the greens 3-putting and I end the round with a score of 101.  I did this same thing for an entire week and had a miserable trip. I couldn't figure out why and I was too prideful and maybe "cheap" to seek help.  I'll figure this out on my own.....and I never did.

 

I came home and it continued.  One day, after a four-man, best-ball tournament, playing like a total beginner hack, I put the clubs away; gave them to my wife's club-pro relative, and gave it up.  I told him that it's just not fun anymore and, at the time, with two young toddlers and a very stressful job, I wanted a break from golf.  

 

After all, golf is expensive, and why pay lots of money to just be bad at something?  From my perspective, it's not fun to play poorly.  Anyway, this "break" from golf lasted 15 years.  I was 35 when I gave it up, now I'm almost 51 and just now am trying to get back into the game slowly.  Now, however, I realize that I have lost my speed, flexibility, and some of the mobility that I had 15 years ago.  I'm ok with that and now have much lower expectation.  Looking back on it all, I believe that my frustration was rooted in unrealistic expectations.  Sports always came fairly easy to me, so why would golf be any different?  I set the bar very high in my mind and, when I failed to reach that bar (i.e. bad shots, poor putting, etc.) that tension would creep in and get me upset.

[Cellis]

1 hour ago, rukahs said:

weekly 😄 😄 😄 

I think I got you beat when I can honestly say about every 5 holes 🤣

[RayGorman]

Usually it's when I hit that quacker off the first tee.. After striping everything on the range. almost every... single... time...

 

Gonna be a long day...

[MelloYello]

10 hours ago, Kingdog said:

Have been a golf nut since I was 10 years old. Our seasons are short here on the prairies in Canada so every spring in April around Masters time I would get so excited for another 6 short months of golf. Now I think I'm taking next year off completely and maybe permanently. 

 

I had a golf trip this summer that I have been planning for 5 years. 5 bucket list courses in the Rocky Mountains in 4 days with close friends and relatives. I played terrible. Got so frustrated with my play I broke the shaft on my 5 iron. After the trip I didn't play for a month and a half. And honestly had no desire to play. My Dad invited me out this past weekend for a quick 9 holes. Sleepwalked to a 51. Didn't feel anything.

 

Guy's I might be done with a game I've loved for 40 years of my life. Has anyone else ever felt this way before? Did it pass? My wife is ecstatic about getting her husband for a whole year next year and I don't blame her. She deserves it after putting up with the game for 25 years of marriage.  Honestly if I received a email tonight informing me that I won a all expenses paid trip to Bandon Dunes a place I have dreamed about going to I would probably pass. I feel like what's the point I would play terrible. Anyone else been in this dark place? I hope not it doesn't feel good.

 

There are a few things in golf that always hold true. Consider these:

 

#1

Golf is harder than we imagine. Countless people say they're going to "quit forever" every year. That's just self-pity mixed with a bit of depression. Totally fine of course, but not helpful. 

 

#2

Golf is unstable like a house of cards or Jenga. Small things tend to ruin otherwise solid performances. Tiger Woods couldn't hit the green from where some of my drives end up. Solid, consistent performance is the name of the game. That's how we have fun. We don't have to shoot our best scores.

 

We just have to drive it in play and hit the green. If we play well enough not to be distracted by our bad golf, we can enjoy our friends, our playing partners, the outdoors, the social aspects, the competition, etc. That's all one big circle. Either it reinforces itself or you tend to spiral out. Solid play leads to happy interactions which in turn take pressure off the golf. 

 

#3

Improvement is always possible but the motivation has to be there. When we run out of motivation and just feel empty about the idea of pushing forward it's time to take a break. Without passion the game is just a frustration and a waste of time/money. 

 

 

In summary...you don't sound like you're any different from anyone else. You have to put in the work to fix whatever's wrong so that you don't shoot 51 and aren't snapping clubs at the height of a round's frustration. That's something we all share. We all have to try and get better. Your problem is that you (temporarily) lack the will & motivation to go do it. 

 

We all burn out at times. Last summer I had to step away for a full month after snapping an iron. It was the best thing I could've done for my game. This year I had to step away for nearly 2 months with a pulled muscle in my back. Again, it allowed me to get a bunch of other stuff done and for awhile in the heat of summer I was happy to spend time at home actually using my weekends to relax and get caught up on other duties.

 

The most important thing is having the strength to step away for awhile and coming back feeling like you're more balanced for it. Golf doesn't have a reason. If you don't enjoy it, if you can't enjoy it, step away and focus on other aspects of life. 

 

It's a hobby. 

 

Golf is not sacred no matter what the whimsical authors want to write in books. It shows how addicted we really are that we ask for permission to take a break as if somehow that's unreasonable. 

 

.

Edited September 20, 2023 by MelloYello

[ZGriswold83]

I'm there right now. I'm 39,been playing seriously since I was about 15. I got good at golf fast, made the golf team in high school just a year after I started playing, played on a JUCO team for a semester. I'm not bragging by any means as I was one of the worst players on both teams. I got married, had kids, career, etc. I played less and less golf. I was still playing pretty well until about 3ish years ago. I went for a lesson and was told I needed to completely change my swing. Needed to start hitting a draw instead of the baby fade I'd been playing basically my whole life. There was an incident at the golf course the pro worked at and I never went back. After that I decided I could do it myself.. Bad idea. I have been fighting ever since to find my game again. You name it, I've tried it. The only good thing to come out of it is that my swing has gotten to the point where it doesn't hurt my back to play golf anymore.

 

There's been several times this golf season where I thought I was really actually going to give it up. The frustration I have felt is like none other I've encountered in my life. For me, golf isn't fun when I'm constantly hitting the ball in the water, OB, in the really high grass. I'm still playing, but 50/50 if I will continue on after the season.

[buckrogers71]

I'm there now. Played A LOT this summer with my son which was awesome, but I am in a bit of slump with the driver and have zero confidence in it. Stripe on the range but cant take it to the course. But I digress. Last played August 9th and really dont have a desire to play. I coach HS soccer and my kid plays college soccer so i get 1 day to take care of yard work (which I kinda enjoy) Sometimes walking away from it and getting a fresh perspective can help. Best of luck man

[Jeff58]

11 hours ago, Kingdog said:

My wife is ecstatic about getting her husband for a whole year next year and I don't blame her. She deserves it after putting up with the game for 25 years of marriage.

Opposite. Main reason I play regularly.

[Telo]

I straight up stopped playing for just under 20 years. Coming back with the money to afford better equipment and courses has made this a completely different game and I really regret not coming back sooner.

[cgasucks]

9 years ago I was so miserable playing the game since I was shanking my shots that I was ready to sell my clubs on Cragislist until I came across Monte Scheinblum's teachings.  I took a step back and looked at the golf swing in a different way and my scores got lower and lower over the years.  It really dropped like a rock after practicing my chipping and pitching during the first few months of Covid. 

 

Now I'm playing the best golf of my life with 20 year old clubs.

Edited September 20, 2023 by cgasucks

[gripandrip]

This is the first time in a long time I've lived in an area where I can play golf year around. After a lackluster tournament performance playing with a sore shoulder, I've decided to put the clubs away for a little while to let my shoulder heal. I've always had a bit of a off season, and never thought I'd ever want to take a break.... but I think I'm there now. I've been playing for the last 14 months. Not falling out of love with the game, but taking a break for other things.

[btyh]

I'm in that situation but not because I fell out of love with it. Mainly it's life and all my close friends I played with have married with kids and it's hard to get on the same schedule. Or they stopped completely.  Playing against myself gets old. And I have too many hobbies so that puts my money elsewhere, lifted truck, my 2nd amendment toys, shoe collection, and biggest has been weight lifting.  it's something I do with my girlfriend. it's very similar to golf because you have to work to lift heavier, like you would to practice to play better. Now that the weather is cooling down I made it priority to at least play or practice every other weekend. And it's keeping the love for the game as well as time for family and my other hobbies. 

[Ironman_32]

I'd add to the advice above, maybe equate expectations with time spent practicing. I'm at a point now where I do less "on-course" practicing, and a lot of putting indoors or checking swings in the mirrors. That helps, but I don't really practice mid-range wedge shots, so I don't expect to be super sharp on those. 

 

I'd also add, golf is like any other sport/activity, we just sometimes think its easier because the ball doesn't move. Also, we can have a day where everything connects, basically, you can almost make a birdie by accident but no one dunks a basketball by accident. Even look at pros though, they sometimes don't play as well when they need to and they practice all the time. 

[Denny100]

I lost the love of the game when i first started working full time.

 

My life felt s*** at that point and i felt like i had no time to work on my game....which led me to feeling like i couldnt play well on the course and resenting not being able to play as well as i wanted.

 

I rediscovered the game through a combination of not giving a s*** about work and feeling like i needes to do something constructive and thankfully i dont think ill burn out again.

[J_Tizzle]

Yeah the limited play I get from Nov-Feb usually makes me excited to play.  But randomly throughout the summer I take a couple of weeks off after a tournament.

[PARETO]

I’ve played passionately since around ‘88. I was 15, working in a back shop, saving for Eye2’s and playing everyday until my mom picked me up after dark. As a semi adult, I spent 10 years in the golf business and found myself growing tired of the industry. Loved the game, but the snake oil being peddled in the industry in the early 2000’s was depressing. When 2010 came around, my daughter was born and I found myself not wanting to take half the day away from home just to play. So I didn’t. With the exception of a few corporate rounds per summer, I was golf free for sometime. Then one day, out of the blue, it happened. I wanted to practice. I wanted to grind. I wanted to play. A lot. So here we are. Full circle and promising myself never to work “in the biz” ever again as I truly believe that the industry of golf is what ruined the game for me there for a while. Funny how that works. Doesn’t hurt that my now 11 year old daughter is hitting it great so we get to sneak in 9 👍. 

[Noles]

I am basically on a break right now.  I used to play several times per week and practice on other days.  Frustration with the state of my game and the forever rising cost to play has caused me to not enjoy it like I used to.  This year I played 2 regular rounds and one scramble with family members.  I honestly do not miss golf at all.  I still am a fan of the game as much as I ever was.

[Maine Golfer]

I played starting around the year 1999 and into 4 year of HS golf. I picked it back up in my early 30s and adore it. I never hated it, life just didn't go that way and it wasn't my hobby for awhile 

[elwhippy]

Yes. Played once in a fortnight. A few holes this week, comp on Saturday then taking a break. Fitness classes and foreign trip planned. Going to focus on flexibility and strength training over the colder months. 

[PJE]

Never, but I played infrequently in college and when my kids were young. 
I still feel anticipation pulling into a golf course parking lot. 
I’ve played well and I’ve played poorly but I don’t play for a living. 
There are a lot of things worse in life than being out on a golf course. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to be out there. 
That said, I empathize with your viewpoint and angst. It’s no fun to play poorly when you know you are capable of better play.  Maybe a break is just what you need. 

Edited September 24, 2023 by PJE