How do you guys just... deal with life both on and off the course?

[bladehunter]

On 7/29/2024 at 7:43 PM, Nickb333 said:

No worries. You guys are all good. Had I been personally offended, you’d know. 😀 I’m just not qualified to chase anyone down personal rabbit holes. 
 

That said. I did look up happiness in the Webster because I thought I was losing my mind. I doubt anyone was gaslighting me, but some of the comments here confused me as mentioned previously. 
 

 

happiness

noun

hap·pi·ness ˈha-pē-nəs 

 

Synonyms of happiness

1

a

: a state of well-being and contentment : JOY

b

: a pleasurable or satisfying experience

I wish you every happiness in life.

 

I had the happiness of seeing you—W. S. Gilbert

 

Yep. I’d go along with that. Never felt the content emotion.  Which I think is a double edged sword.  It’s that what drives me. Necessity being the mother of invention.  I’ve needed to be driven.  Or die most of my life.  No room for not being driven.  
 

but of course the flip side is inability to rest.  It is what it is.  

[bladehunter]

2 hours ago, golferdude54 said:

Hi to all those who replied to my, I guess you could call it a cry for help, with positive and sometimes polarizing advice, judging on the debate for happiness between some of the posters on this thread.

 

I really appreciate that you were all kind enough to respond. At the time I posted, I was standing outside looking at the stars by myself and wishing that I would see the rest of my life as clearly as I could see those stars. But we all know that's not how life and reality works.

 

The advice that stood out the most to me was being physically active on the process, whatever it could be: working out, cooking, cleaning, practicing golf, classes and studying, volunteering/working, etc. Along with someone saying being home alone and bored was the worst place to be, that's certainly true in my case.

 

I don't know if you guys have seen or experienced firsthand most people in their 20s and teenagers and kids today but they spend so much time on screens like practically over 10 hours everyday. Of course I'm typing this on a screen but I'm currently working on restricting my screen access where I live to school only.

 

I don't own a TV or a even a smartphone, just a phone that texts and calls only along with music and maps. I don't drink or do drugs, I've been sober for almost 5 years (there wasn't a super debilitating drug/drinking problem, just got tired of it one day).

 

I suppose Grayson Murray had a profound effect on me, considering what he went through and what he ultimately did. At the time, I couldn't make sense of it at all. A recent PGA Tour winner multi-millionaire ending his life like that? If it happened to him, what chance do I have? That was the kind of freakout I was having at the time and I guess it spilled over to my existential crisis post here.

I don’t want to presume here.  But I will read into the last paragraph.  Because I recognize it.  
 

a wise man once told me this.  You have to decide to live. Literally.  Make the decision that when whomever finds you gone , many years from now.  That it won’t be by your own hand. Declare it. Be defiant.  Get angry.  Tell the intrusive voice to F off. And once you’ve survive some years of life’s arrows , you’ll value that “ sobriety “ streak , and it will become easier.  You can’t allow the dark thoughts to have a foothold.  You have a purpose. Find it.  And sometimes the search goes for years.  
 

You're on  the right track with regards to drink and drugs. And screens and most importantly introspection.  A lot  of people refuse to examine themselves.  You don’t realize yet how ahead you are in that regard.  Plenty of 70 plus year olds who have never chastised self.  Yes. Written as I meant it. Self.  Self is your best friend and worst enemy . Know him.  Control him.  Speak to him daily.  And don’t allow him to lie to you.  Because he will.  value yourself in that regard because I’m telling you , most people do not look inward and wonder some of the things you are wondering. And saying.  They simply go through life oblivious because they luck into life by way of parents and a career path that lets them be numb.  You’re not that guy.  And that’s a great thing. Learn how to manage it.  There are no stupid questions, and learning never stops for the wise.  
 

you work the process of making you better. ( we all need to be better ).  And people will notice.  You’ll attract folks who value you. 
 

 

[Boricua Golf]

As someone that just went through a massive life change and I am a bit older, I tell you, focus on you, exercise, eat as healthy as you can (have your preferred meal once a week) and understand that happiness is a mind set, of course get your money right, surround yourself with likeminded people that will always push you to be better and give you the right advice to accomplish your goals...as for golf, it is a journey, we all "sucked" (and still suck) at this crazy game, once you understand that golf "IS" a game you'll enjoy it more, have no expectations and try to enjoy the time on the course. Things tend to work themselves out, maybe not the way you expected, or perhaps exactly how you expected, either way take the good with the not so good, all of these events are learning experiences that you will reach back throughout your life, we "Golf WRX" are your extended family, we will be kind and nice, but can also tell you the honest truth or that harsh opinion that sometimes we need to hear...welcome to the WRX and stay up, work hard on what you want and don't worry about others trying to bring you down...don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do!!!, take care...

Edited July 31, 2024 by Boricua Golf

[sea_dog]

On 7/27/2024 at 8:12 AM, golferdude54 said:

I recently moved to a new place (apartment) in a new state, hoping to rekindle my love in golf and life as I had been in a serious rut for the past few years. I had to leave basically everyone behind including my dog as my apartment wouldn't allow pets.

 

This place was the best I could find that would be kinda close to the golf course and the ceiling is super high so I could make a nice little swing station. I'm an unemployed single guy in my 20s that hasn't gotten a bachelor's yet so I moved here for both golf and college. I thought I would be happier here but I don't yet.

 

It will get better (of that, I'm confident, not just telling myself that) but I'm so dang far from where I want to be and how I want to feel. My swing sucks, my body sucks, and I suck. I know practically no one here. How do you guys deal with major life transitions and just be... happy?

 

That's a major life shift dude. Think of it as an adventure into truly the unknown - new things to see, try, and experience. You'll meet people and expand the friend network just by being there, just gotta be open and receptive to it. Absolutely hard to leave the dog behind, don't know if I could honestly do that myself- maybe a rental house or dog friendly apartment in the area will come available and you can get your companion back.

 

Your swing issues can be addressed and worked on with a coach, your body (issue dependent) can generally be handled by a gym, massage therapist, or chiropractor. (All 3 in my own case) Maybe your apartment complex does a monthly or quarterly meet and greet so you can make a few connections that way? 

 

Happiness is what you make of it. If it's work that makes you happy, pick up a part time job somewhere and connect that way. For golf, spend time at the range (meet people and work on the swing!) 

 

Happiness and success are very subjective person to person as those ideas have very different meanings and ways of manifesting. I recommend not predetermining what and how happiness is nor setting a timeline on when it must appear. Let it appear naturally. A bachelor's degree might be a nice to have (still in a few cases a need), but it's no requirement for success.

 

Don't judge your current place in the world by how you perceive somebody else's success. You're already well on your way to both by simply having the courage to step outside your comfort zone and leave a security net behind. That alone is farther than a lot of people go.

[bscinstnct]

2 hours ago, bladehunter said:

Yep. I’d go along with that. Never felt the content emotion.  Which I think is a double edged sword.  It’s that what drives me. Necessity being the mother of invention.  I’ve needed to be driven.  Or die most of my life.  No room for not being driven.  
 

but of course the flip side is inability to rest.  It is what it is.  

 

Not contentment in the way of not having new goals, targeting accomplishments and having drive 

 

But contentment in the form of peace of mind and the absence of tension which enables calm and deliberate focus, organization, building out on plans. 
 

Of course some folks thrive in chaos it seems. But that’s not constructive in my case. 

Edited July 31, 2024 by bscinstnct

[bladehunter]

2 hours ago, bscinstnct said:

 

Not contentment in the way of not having new goals, targeting accomplishments and having drive 

 

But contentment in the form of peace of mind and the absence of tension which enables calm and deliberate focus, organization, building out on plans. 
 

Of course some folks thrive in chaos it seems. But that’s not constructive in my case. 

It’s not by choice.  I’m just saying I don’t recall ever feeling it longer than 24 hours if that. 
 

I didn’t mean it as a form of sloth either. As in just  happy to sit with no aim. .  No I mean it as peace of mind. Absence of tension etc. I’ve just learned to lean into it. I have no flight.  

as a young boy i remember thinking “ will this kill me “. That was my line in the sand.  My test.  When that’s a daily question , you know you live in chaos.  If the answer was no. I made myself push through it. And I’m talking about some pretty horrible stuff. You can pm me if you want to know details to understand.  I don’t want to litter this guys mind. 

and yes. Agree it’s not constructive.  But it’s reality. I’m like a shark. If I stop it all dies.  

[ChronicSlicer]

On 7/27/2024 at 9:12 AM, golferdude54 said:

I know practically no one here.

Probably shouldn't have abandoned your dog. How do think he/she feels? 

[Nickb333]

55 minutes ago, ChronicSlicer said:

Probably shouldn't have abandoned your dog. How do think he/she feels? 

Wow. 

[golferdude54]

4 hours ago, ChronicSlicer said:

Probably shouldn't have abandoned your dog. How do think he/she feels? 

 

My dog is being well taken care of by my parents who go on daily walks with her and she gets enough food and water and treats. As much as I love her, I had to let her go for a while as I get my life together.

 

Dogs don't care about what they want to do in life like us humans do, they just care about not being hungry or thirsty and sometimes being surrounded by humans they love, which she is with my parents.

 

She always preferred my dad over me anyway which would drive me crazy considering I was the one who adopted her! Definitely gotta give her more treats when I visit.

[ChronicSlicer]

14 hours ago, golferdude54 said:

 

My dog is being well taken care of by my parents who go on daily walks with her and she gets enough food and water and treats. As much as I love her, I had to let her go for a while as I get my life together.

 

Dogs don't care about what they want to do in life like us humans do, they just care about not being hungry or thirsty and sometimes being surrounded by humans they love, which she is with my parents.

 

She always preferred my dad over me anyway which would drive me crazy considering I was the one who adopted her! Definitely gotta give her more treats when I visit.

Right on, my apologies. You didn't exactly explain you had a loving home for her to go to. Unfortunately many people just drop them off at shelters or along side the road.

[ChronicSlicer]

18 hours ago, Nickb333 said:

Wow. 

Wow what? There's plenty of a******* who get dogs because it sounds great, then they realize it's tougher than they imagined. The dog ends up in a living in a shelter or roaming the streets. Post Pandemic shelters were slammed with pets people no longer wanted because the world "returned to normal" and Fido was no longer needed. That doesn't jive with me.

Glad to hear @golferdude54, chose the right move. Hopefully soon he and his pup can be reunited and happy.

[Nickb333]

35 minutes ago, ChronicSlicer said:

Wow what? There's plenty of a******* who get dogs because it sounds great, then they realize it's tougher than they imagined. The dog ends up in a living in a shelter or roaming the streets. Post Pandemic shelters were slammed with pets people no longer wanted because the world "returned to normal" and Fido was no longer needed. That doesn't jive with me.

Glad to hear @golferdude54, chose the right move. Hopefully soon he and his pup can be reunited and happy.

WOW as in you wrongly jumped on the op who was already in a sad state. Glad you apologized after your assumptions turned out to be wrong. 

[Nickb333]

Hey golfer dude. A lot of of good advice was passed on above excepting one dud. 
 

I’m tracking back again for one reason only. I forgot about a move I made when I was 25.

 

Just married. Forced to move as our place was sold. initially I was very excited. 
 

Moved big like you. 1000 miles from home. Everything was great but, within a few weeks I was a little depressed. For me, it took just a little internal pep talk to remind me of the incredible opportunities we had just availed ourselves to. 
 

 

[Nickb333]

1 minute ago, Nickb333 said:

Hey golfer dude. A lot of of good advice was passed on above excepting one dud. 
 

I’m tracking back again for one reason only. I forgot about a move I made when I was 25.

 

Just married. Forced to move as our place was sold. initially I was very excited. 
 

Moved big like you. 1000 miles from home. Everything was great but, within a few weeks I was a little depressed. For me, it took just a little internal pep talk to remind me of the incredible opportunities we had just availed ourselves to. 
 

 

PS. It worked out. Retired at 58. Married to the same beautiful woman for 40 years. And I can can still smash a golf ball 200yds sometimes! 😀

[bladehunter]

Pretty good short I saw 

 

 

 

as far as dogs.  Man. They understand more than you realize .  Maybe 100x more than you realize.  Good rule of thumb. Take a smart dog.  He/she is around 45x more intuitive than an average human.  You probably made the right choice giving him or her to your dad. Because if you can’t see that , you do need to work on you.     I rescued a dashhound pup this weekend.  From a friend of my wife’s.  12 weeks old and she had it wearing a diaper. Too lazy to walk it.  Or train it. 4 days in we’re on a schedule.  And although she is a puppy. She’s quite intelligent and easy going.  Not the monster she described to me.  
 

The poster who questioned did so rightfully.  Plenty of folks abandon or abuse dogs.  Very glad to read that you found a good home. Instead of the more common dump scenario.  And to further defend

, I share the same reaction.  If you come after me , you’re much safer leaving it to just me. I’ll take a fair amount of abuse.  Go after the dogs. And it will become a game of survivor.  I don’t care if I’m here if they aren’t. And that’s a dangerous situation.  Giving one up is unimaginable to me. Which brings me back to my illustration about dogs being more perceptive than humans. They understand who is all in and who isn’t.  And they reciprocate to those who are.  
 

No issue on the situation.  You did the best you could have done. Just know for later  than the line for being a dog or cat owner is as described above. If you don’t feel that way , you aren’t for that . 

 

 

@ChronicSlicer

[PedronNiall]

Hope things are relatively calm and sorted for anyone browsing the thread.

 

@golferdude54 I'll start with the golf analogy, cause we're on a golf forum, right? Life is like this crazy game. Ask 20 people how to get it done the right way and you'll get 20 different answers. You can pay coaches and gurus lots of money to give you their prescription and it may be the ticket and it may get you nowhere or even headed backwards or hurt. Even as more and more data points emerge to tell us all the things the most successful at it do to win, it's still hard as heck to pull it off, hah. You might get a lot of things figured out with it and never get a single pat on the back for the accomplishments you worked so hard to achieve and most of the sweat, tears, and blood may go unnoticed or unremarked. In the end, though, if you've worked at it in a way that gives you joy in the process you'll find yourself far more satisfied than many. You won't ever be perfect but you will know you've earned what you achieved and if you keep yourself open to others along the way who are also receptive you can make some great friends, some great connections, and have moments that will never leave you no matter what ups and downs might come along. That inner solace is a greater satisfaction than even being hoisted on shoulders and adored by women everywhere you go like @PedronNiall is, and that's saying something, believe you me!

 

On a more direct note, as others have already said in one way or another, be the kind of person whose actions you would respect & love if you were looking in from the outside and you will come to respect & love yourself in a 100% healthy, non-arrogant way. That won't guarantee wealth, or a perfect life, or freedom from headaches you did everything the right way to avoid, but it will give you pretty objective security in who you are as a person and in knowing that you're facing whatever comes in a way you can always be proud of.

 

On a super practical note, avoid lifestyle creep as you get in a better place. Once you get to where you don't have to give thought to if you can keep your gas tank & fridge full and your lights on at home everything else becomes gravy, and if you act in a way that lets you maintain that while building up some savings you'll likely find yourself pretty freaking content.

[golferdude54]

On 9/4/2024 at 4:48 AM, bladehunter said:

Pretty good short I saw 

 

 

 

as far as dogs.  Man. They understand more than you realize .  Maybe 100x more than you realize.  Good rule of thumb. Take a smart dog.  He/she is around 45x more intuitive than an average human.  You probably made the right choice giving him or her to your dad. Because if you can’t see that , you do need to work on you.     I rescued a dashhound pup this weekend.  From a friend of my wife’s.  12 weeks old and she had it wearing a diaper. Too lazy to walk it.  Or train it. 4 days in we’re on a schedule.  And although she is a puppy. She’s quite intelligent and easy going.  Not the monster she described to me.  
 

The poster who questioned did so rightfully.  Plenty of folks abandon or abuse dogs.  Very glad to read that you found a good home. Instead of the more common dump scenario.  And to further defend

, I share the same reaction.  If you come after me , you’re much safer leaving it to just me. I’ll take a fair amount of abuse.  Go after the dogs. And it will become a game of survivor.  I don’t care if I’m here if they aren’t. And that’s a dangerous situation.  Giving one up is unimaginable to me. Which brings me back to my illustration about dogs being more perceptive than humans. They understand who is all in and who isn’t.  And they reciprocate to those who are.  
 

No issue on the situation.  You did the best you could have done. Just know for later  than the line for being a dog or cat owner is as described above. If you don’t feel that way , you aren’t for that . 

 

 

@ChronicSlicer

 

She seemed pretty happy on my visit!

 

[bladehunter]

27 minutes ago, golferdude54 said:

 

She seemed pretty happy on my visit!

 

Yes sir!  Pretty pup !   We’re rooting for you. Lord knows plenty root for me. Life for those of us who are conscious is tough at times .  The ones who don’t get the struggle have never had a complete thought in their life .  Best thing I can tell you is that it’s true that what doesn’t kill you ends up making you stronger.  And if it kills you it can only do it once.  Roll up and meet demons  face on , don’t procrastinate as I’m prone to doing.  Learn how to focus on just today.  Do today good and tomorrow gets easier. Not easy. But er. 😂. 
 

( this is me talking to myself as well just fyi …. It’s cathartic to type it at times). 

Edited September 7, 2024 by bladehunter

[golferdude54]

On 9/5/2024 at 5:53 PM, PedronNiall said:

Hope things are relatively calm and sorted for anyone browsing the thread.

 

@golferdude54 I'll start with the golf analogy, cause we're on a golf forum, right? Life is like this crazy game. Ask 20 people how to get it done the right way and you'll get 20 different answers. You can pay coaches and gurus lots of money to give you their prescription and it may be the ticket and it may get you nowhere or even headed backwards or hurt. Even as more and more data points emerge to tell us all the things the most successful at it do to win, it's still hard as heck to pull it off, hah. You might get a lot of things figured out with it and never get a single pat on the back for the accomplishments you worked so hard to achieve and most of the sweat, tears, and blood may go unnoticed or unremarked. In the end, though, if you've worked at it in a way that gives you joy in the process you'll find yourself far more satisfied than many. You won't ever be perfect but you will know you've earned what you achieved and if you keep yourself open to others along the way who are also receptive you can make some great friends, some great connections, and have moments that will never leave you no matter what ups and downs might come along. That inner solace is a greater satisfaction than even being hoisted on shoulders and adored by women everywhere you go like @PedronNiall is, and that's saying something, believe you me!

 

On a more direct note, as others have already said in one way or another, be the kind of person whose actions you would respect & love if you were looking in from the outside and you will come to respect & love yourself in a 100% healthy, non-arrogant way. That won't guarantee wealth, or a perfect life, or freedom from headaches you did everything the right way to avoid, but it will give you pretty objective security in who you are as a person and in knowing that you're facing whatever comes in a way you can always be proud of.

 

On a super practical note, avoid lifestyle creep as you get in a better place. Once you get to where you don't have to give thought to if you can keep your gas tank & fridge full and your lights on at home everything else becomes gravy, and if you act in a way that lets you maintain that while building up some savings you'll likely find yourself pretty freaking content.

 

Classes started about a week and a half ago and I decided to join a couple clubs on campus, powerlifting and believe it or not, salsa dancing! I wanted to get strong and also get good at dancing and these two clubs were a way outside of class to meet more people.

 

I'd say life in this chapter has definitely improved since I started this thread; someone said it would get better once school started and they were right. But I needed more things to do other than school and golf so I looked for clubs to join. Overall, it's brighter now!

[bscinstnct]

4 hours ago, golferdude54 said:

 

Classes started about a week and a half ago and I decided to join a couple clubs on campus, powerlifting and believe it or not, salsa dancing! I wanted to get strong and also get good at dancing and these two clubs were a way outside of class to meet more people.

 

I'd say life in this chapter has definitely improved since I started this thread; someone said it would get better once school started and they were right. But I needed more things to do other than school and golf so I looked for clubs to join. Overall, it's brighter now!

 

Wayto go gd54!

 

Heres a tune for a young guy like you to celebrate his new found joie de vivre

 

 

 

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher
He wears dark glasses

Things are goin' great
And they're only gettin' better

I'm doin' all right
Gettin' good grades
The future's so bright
I gotta wear shades

 

 

*and yes “50 thou a year” used to be some good money!

 

🤣🍻

 

Edited September 8, 2024 by bscinstnct