Dads: How are you handling the change in your Golf Life with kiddos?

[-GoldenHawk-]

I'm here as a new father to a wonderful 7-month old. While I love her to death, I'm admittedly scared for what the future holds as it relates to playing less golf. Before I say anything, I fully understand what having a child means - sacrifices. But I also want to do my best to time manage and make it possible for myself to play as much golf as I can within reason. I'm playing my first tournament of 2025 today and I can't wait. But it has me thinking more about these opportunities in the future.

Eventually, conversations will start back up about having a 2nd child. I've got to believe that it will be twice (if not more) times as difficult if kiddo #2 comes at some point. I'm curious to see how other dads have juggled their fatherly duties with their love of golf. I'm 33, and I'm coming off the two best years of golf of my life. Part of me wonders if I'm just going to have to forget about improving my golf game for the next 5-6 years, and tackle it again down the road when things are just a tad less demanding at home. During that time, I would still try to maintain playing 9 holes at league once a week. But beyond that, golf might be non-existent. I just don't have many hobbies that bring be as much joy as golf does, so I worry about keeping my sanity.

 

Just interested in having a conversation about dadding and golf. Thanks all!

[Petethreeput]

Well past this stage, but just as I encouraged the Mrs to schedule a night out, I would play every Sunday morning.  If I played any other time it was during work hours so the impact was minimal.  I think the key is fairness and reciprocity.

[suuch]

Married Dad of 2 here....

 

If your main hobby is golf, I don't see why any wife that respects you and your hobby will tell you to give it up. When people ask I usually say I golf 1.5 times a week. 9 holes & 18 early early on a weekend. The 18 is a no-compromise situation for almost every weekend - unless family things are on the docket. I'm home by 11:00 on weekend & 6:30 on a weeknight. I do bed time weekdays & take over on a weekend. I also will get out to the course mid summer from 7:15-8:30 to practice short game once a week (all depends on what I've done for regular rounds). As far as we are concerned, if the kids are down and we're not doing anything together - my free time is my free time. I'm not sitting in a bar slamming miller lites....

 

Tournaments? Those need planning and forethought - 2 day tourney is almost always OUT. I get club champ & mid am, local am is middle of week no issues there. But outside of that - I don't bother.

 

Are there challenges? Yes. BUT by and large there has to be an agreement. This is basically marital advice & preaching, but this is what has gotten me to where I am now. Would I like to play more with my degenerate friends? YUP. But that's the sacrifice of raising kids - its so worth it.

 

Also, my biggest takeaway with kids is get a club in their hand if you want to golf even more when they grow up. Turn the TV on and watch lots of golf too. Imitation and repetition. Don't force it - just let them soak it in. I go out and hit balls in my yard, my kids usually come too. If I go to course during middle of the week, they join me. They might hit 5 shots all day, but they ride in the cart, eat snacks and we spend quality time together. Being 4 & 6 they have a blast, I'm hoping they keep loving it because its quality time and its golf. Nothing better. Good luck and enjoy it!

[J_Tizzle]

This is something I've been struggling with as well.  Making sure the Mrs feels like she has time to herself as well as having "my time" which is 100% golf related.  I play maybe 1-2x a weekend (primarily) and then will sometimes go hit the range over my lunch break.  My ultimate goal is to avg about a round a week for the entire year.

 

Like others have said, the multi day or staying overnight somewhere for a tournament is VERY rough right now.  In a few months I'll be playing in my state's  4-ball thats about a 45 minute drive, so I'll be home every night and able to help with bedtime and what not, but I tell ya what, the next weekend there will be 0 golf on the docket, lol.

[pseudoswede]

Father of two daughters (one in college and one in high school now).

 

I went from golfing almost every weekend during the season to just 3-4 times a year for about a decade. My handicap went from 6 to who knows what (since I gave up carrying a GHIN), and I've now brought it back down to between 8-10.

 

Starting when they were two or three, I would take them out to the golf range. They even took the occasional group golf lesson, but they just weren't interested in golf. Instead, they took a liking to skiing, so I would spend the winters and springs teaching them how to ski, and they were able to confidently able to tackle steep black diamonds with me by the time they were 7. Do I wish they were more interested in golf? Perhaps. As they progressed into their teens, they went on to do other sports on the weekends like soccer, gymnastics, ninja warrior, pole vaulting, and hockey, and that's where I was instead of the golf course. Honestly, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

 

My youngest just joined the high school golf club (where I now volunteer). If she put in just a little bit of effort, she probably could be a sub-10 handicap in under a year. My oldest has also said she wants to learn how to golf (again), so I have that to look forward to now.

[Rbsiedsc]

I have a 6 yr old that sleeps in (homeschooled). I golf 18  holes at sunrise on Tuesday’s or Thursday’s. Practice maybe once or twice at range and then  at home with small feels. My wife works out a lot during week and I take my daughter to her homeschool “school” on thursdays and work remotely. You just need to get creative. 

[bcjim]

Simple advice I read years ago...the proper family solar system revolves around the parents, not the kids.  You aren't your kids butler and no infant is going to gaf if you're playing golf or not. So go play golf.  

 

I did quit for several years when I had multiple kids in elementary and middle school. That is when time gets crunched. Not when they're in diapers.

 

Now if you're a 2 career family and kids are in daycare, and no grandmas, aunts etc around...good luck to you.

[jonsnow]

My dad always told me the first 50 years of being a parent are the hardest...after that it gets a little easier.

Edited May 5 by jonsnow

[smashdn]

Wasn't terribly bad when they were young actually.  Now that they are well into grade school and one going into middle school next year they are all three so busy with activities they have me and the missus running ragged taking them here and there.

[jonsnow]

56 minutes ago, smashdn said:

Wasn't terribly bad when they were young actually.  Now that they are well into grade school and one going into middle school next year they are all three so busy with activities they have me and the missus running ragged taking them here and there.

I remember those years fondly although I didn't think I would at the time. Try to enjoy them because before you know it they will be in their 30s living 6 hours away...

[Rory4Pres]

Just came up with an idea... clic gear baby stroller.  Carries the clubs and baby.  It's like taking them for a walk in the park but that park is a golf course.

[Rbsiedsc]

26 minutes ago, Rory4Pres said:

Just came up with an idea... clic gear baby stroller.  Carries the clubs and baby.  It's like taking them for a walk in the park but that park is a golf course.

check this. Kid caddie. Other site did a review on this a couple years back.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Kid-Caddie-Attachment-Introduces-Encourages/dp/B0DNV3LB3Q/ref=asc_df_B0DNV3LB3Q?mcid=26dd2c9d56ec3d6b846ab59e32105adb&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=722289088460&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17517422463850946891&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032905&hvtargid=pla-2394909560873&psc=1

[Rory4Pres]

2 minutes ago, Rbsiedsc said:

check this. Kid caddie. Other site did a review on this a couple years back.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Kid-Caddie-Attachment-Introduces-Encourages/dp/B0DNV3LB3Q/ref=asc_df_B0DNV3LB3Q?mcid=26dd2c9d56ec3d6b846ab59e32105adb&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=722289088460&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17517422463850946891&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032905&hvtargid=pla-2394909560873&psc=1

haha, that's boss!  

 

I'm thinking OP could get in a round a day with that thing!

[stryper]

We’re grandparents providing full time daycare for a nine month old.  And with that, golf is all but nonexistent.  Maybe 15 minute range or chipping/putting sessions a couple of times a week, but otherwise I haven’t been on a course in months.  Awesome kid, but there is a huge sacrifice there.  

[Hawkeye77]

Not criticizing but never understood the worries about managing a hobby and kids.  Our first came and I played less golf (and so did my wife, but she didn't play as much as I did).  Our second came and I played less golf.  Our kids at one point had softball games 4 nights a week, then one did some traveling team stuff the odd weekends in the summer.  So I'd bid my league partner goodbye sometime in May and didn't play any league golf again until after the 4th of July and . . . no big deal.  Played some, not often.  We got the kids involved at an early age, but didn't play a lot. Oldest was a HS golfer and that meant lots and lots of golf, next one played tennis, that meant going to her meets in the spring and less golf and . . . no big deal.  I've played a lot more golf as they graduated and in the summer time because I eventually had more time to play.    

 

I love golf, always have, but kind of a no brainer to keep it in perspective vs. family anything. Part of growing up and part of being a family. 

[rsballer10]

My girl turned 2 years old a month ago so I don't have the same experience and wisdom as those who have raised their children through to adulthood. What I see in the responses are polarized approaches to tackling the issue, if that works great but if not I'd reconsider.

 

I went from playing 1-2 full rounds a week, and practicing 2+ times a week to playing once every 3 weeks, and practicing 0-1 times a week. I chip in the backyard, lift weights in the basement, and just starting superspeed training. I REALLY have to make sure every practice session is productive, and just be efficient with everything I do. Luckily, my wife is supportive. She wants to learn golf too, so trying to get her out to play as well. We've got time until our daughter is old enough to play, hopefully she takes to golf and we can all play together.

 

I see some people choose to eliminate golf entirely. That's a decision you have to be OK with, because if not it you're always going to resent it.

 

I just worry about parents who give up everything that makes them who they are in hopes that it makes them a better parent. I don't think it does. Some of my fondest memories with my parents were the times I played basketball with them, not when they dropped me off to practice. Or playing golf with my dad and uncle. Or painting with my Aunt. Or going into the city with my grandparents. My younger brother didn't get those same experiences as me for reasons I won't get into.

 

I have coached HS basketball for 10 years, and it's the parents caught in the 'rat race' of making sure their kid has a 4.5 GPA, plays 3 sports, National Honor Society, part time job, and is a member of as many clubs as possible that scare me. These kids are generally unhappy, and so are their parents.

[blaird]

Going thru it now with a 3 year old. Before Covid, I traveled the state and regional area playing in tournaments often. Not so much since he was born a few years ago. I used to practice in the afternoons, but dont get to do that anymore. As a teacher/coach, about the only time I get to play is on Sundays when we are not on a break. If we are on a break from school, I can play whenever since he is in daycare but not more over night tournaments that require travel for me. I do miss it but its not a big deal, enjoy watching him grow and develop as a person though. 

[-GoldenHawk-]

21 hours ago, Hawkeye77 said:

Not criticizing but never understood the worries about managing a hobby and kids.  Our first came and I played less golf (and so did my wife, but she didn't play as much as I did).  Our second came and I played less golf.  Our kids at one point had softball games 4 nights a week, then one did some traveling team stuff the odd weekends in the summer.  So I'd bid my league partner goodbye sometime in May and didn't play any league golf again until after the 4th of July and . . . no big deal.  Played some, not often.  We got the kids involved at an early age, but didn't play a lot. Oldest was a HS golfer and that meant lots and lots of golf, next one played tennis, that meant going to her meets in the spring and less golf and . . . no big deal.  I've played a lot more golf as they graduated and in the summer time because I eventually had more time to play.    

 

I love golf, always have, but kind of a no brainer to keep it in perspective vs. family anything. Part of growing up and part of being a family. 

I've thought about this some and I think it comes down to like a self-preservation thing. So, in order to maintain my sanity while sometimes being exhausted with the demands of family life, golf is the outlet, because I don't have many things that help me reset like golf does.

I think some people naturally serve others more often in order to function best in day-to-day life while some people have a more balanced approach where they need to treat themselves a little more often. I don't feel that it's selfish, but just a way to ensure you're functioning at your best when you need to be. There are so many variables and personalities when it comes to this stuff.

[Hawkeye77]

33 minutes ago, -GoldenHawk- said:

I've thought about this some and I think it comes down to like a self-preservation thing. So, in order to maintain my sanity while sometimes being exhausted with the demands of family life, golf is the outlet, because I don't have many things that help me reset like golf does.

I think some people naturally serve others more often in order to function best in day-to-day life while some people have a more balanced approach where they need to treat themselves a little more often. I don't feel that it's selfish, but just a way to ensure you're functioning at your best when you need to be. There are so many variables and personalities when it comes to this stuff.

 

I've found golf a great way to (not always) escape but for me that's always been more pressures of work on occasion or just get away in general, like a day out with a dog or fishing alone, so I get that.

 

No doubt it is that way for other reasons as well.  No judgments at all, I just never found a need to reset from demands of family life - we just did whatever we did and all sorts of different things and challenges raising kids and working and all the rest.  It's good to have time to yourself and necessary for your own health - maybe I really was resetting from family demands as well, but I honestly never felt or perceived it that way or ever felt like I had to intentionally set time aside for that reason.  I'd take time - a little golf (no golf trips), took a few short fishing trips, short hunting trips over time but never missed an activity of my kids with those and, lol, I'm one that thoroughly enjoyed the trip but at the same time could have gone home after the first day, haha.  I always missed being home the very few times I did something like that.

Edited May 12 by Hawkeye77

[Mych]

Lots of good info here. I'm on the other end of the journey as my kids are 18 and 20, and I'll be empty-nesting for the first time starting in August. All of our family lives in other states, so we learned a lot of lessons the hard way about how to accommodate the 4 unique sets of needs in our household. 

 

Two things that I can't overstate are being predictable and considerate. Lay out a schedule that lets her know when relief is coming, then also be as proactive about pulling your weight as you are about carving out time for golf. When I played softball (which was much less predictable than golf), I would often order Chinese food or a pizza for delivery to the house on the way from my office to the softball field. It cost me 5 minutes and $20, but was priceless for taking one more thing off my wife's plate. The key to it is the awareness of when your wife needs your help. For us the two big evening events were dinner and bath/bed time. If I could simplify one task and be home to help with the other, then everybody was a happy camper. You can definitely walk 9 after work and still be very present at home with a little planning.

 

I can validate your comment about 2 kids being very different than 1. The first kid is like an accessory for the parent, like a purse. They go where the parent goes and do what the parent does. When the 2nd kid comes the parent becomes an accessory for the kids. We go where the kids need to go and do what the kids need to do.  One way I scratched my itch was to get my daughters involved in First Tee. They got 2 hours of activity and I got 2 hours of chipping and putting practice at a time that would've been difficult to carve out for golf. And my wife got to sleep in on Saturday mornings while we were out at the course.

 

Also, as others have said, encourage your wife to have free time to pursue hobbies, nap, go places without the kids, visit friends/family, etc. Just because it's a place that she can take the kids, doesn't mean it's a place she wants to take the kids. If she's going out to lunch with a friend, offer to watch the kids so she can have some grown-up time even if it's a place where she could drag the kids along. 

 

If you can knock some weekly tasks off your list on Sunday afternoon, you will free up some extra time during the week. I learned to cut my own hair... saves me $40 and 2 hours that can be used for golf. I also meal prep and do a lot of the grocery shopping, so by Sunday evening our lunches for the week and a couple of dinners are made and just need to be reheated. 2 hours invested after my normal golf round on Sunday (which would've been non-golf time anyway) opens up 4-6 hours during the week, including the ability to go putt for 30 minutes during lunch if I want to.  I didn't have a good "at home" golf capability when the kids were small, but with the price of launch monitors these days I would definitely say you could get a really nice practice set-up for $1500 or less if you have a little space. You have to find ways to use smaller chunks of time and hours that aren't normally considered "golf" hours more productively. Being able to get an hour of practice in during naptime or after bedtime without having to drive to the course is going to be a game-changer. 

 

Good luck, and congrats on the little one. Enjoy the journey!

Edited May 22 by Mych

[gsrjc]

Tee off at 7am