Losing my love for the game.

[ZGriswold83]

I have been playing golf seriously since I was 16 years old, I'm 40 now. When I was in high school I worked at a golf course, I spent all my free time there. I played on my high school team, tournaments outside of school, played a semester in community college. I flirted with par but was usually in the high 70s as far as scoring. Right before I had kids, I was playing the best golf of my life. Then more and more of my time for golf was gone, my golfing partner moved away, I sustained several back injuries, health issues, getting older... Life happened.

About 5 or so years ago, I was finally able to have more time to dedicate to golf. I decided to get a lesson and it sent me on a downward spiral. The pro told me I needed to change my entire swing. In part, he was absolutely right. I hadn't been using my lower body correctly along with over swinging and it was causing back pain. I stopped going to that course and the pro because he canceled my tee time and gave me a lecture on using golf now to book tee times. So I went out on my own and now here I am wondering if I should keep going.

I have been to several pros locally, got online coaching, training aids, gotten great tips from members here including a long communication back and forth over the winter. I'm just not getting any better. I have no confidence, I have so many things going through my head I focus on one thing and the others are gone. I am missing both ways, I still can't figure out how to get on my lead side, I get 'stuck', I can't find anything that I can use as a consistent swing thought, I try something new on every swing.

I'm not trying to get sympathy, but I have no one to reach out to about this. I feel like I have tried so hard, practiced so much, sought out help and I'm more confused than ever. 

If anyone has any advice, please share it. I can't believe the thought of quitting golf has even crossed my mind. I've poured so much time, energy and money into trying to improve only to fall flat on my face over and over again, I don't know if I can get up anymore. 

Edited July 22 by ZGriswold83
Text small

[kwcsports]

Take a break

Edited July 22 by kwcsports

[coreyhr]

[ZGriswold83]

2 minutes ago, coreyhr said:

I have no idea what happened to the text lol. 

[coreyhr]

1 minute ago, ZGriswold83 said:

I have no idea what happened to the text lol. 

Haha. I'm kind of in the same boat right now, confidence wise. I'm 39 and am now at the point where I'm starting to see performance decline in my game. Mine isn't due to swing issues or fundamentals, like it appears you're currently struggling with. Mine is due to finally seeing a difference in the distance department. The drop off happened really quickly it seems. I play a lot with guys in their mid-20's and hitting a 6 iron in while they're hitting PW is starting to chip away at my confidence. I can still play at a high level, it's just getting much harder to do so. I know this will only get worse as I crest that 40 mark, so I think that's in the back of my mind as well. 

[Hellstorm]

I think we all grapple with that at some level.  I have been playing for quite a while and while I started out being happy to break 100, then 90, then 80, I ran out of time to practice and stay at a level I thought was decent.  My game is very inconsistent.  I shoot mid 80s one day and 100 the next.  I still enjoy playing but I am beginning to question the expense and the amount of time I am putting into it.  I am not quite ready to quit, only because I don't really have any other hobbies and I really don't want to take on any.  I would agree with taking a break and seeing how much you miss it.  If you miss it, go back.

[Shankyouverymuch]

Ironic that it seems that people that used to be good and struggle later are the ones to lose their love of the game while the majority of golfers that struggle to break 100 keep chugging along. Maybe lower expectations?  I have a friend that has never broken 90 for 18 holes and although sometimes frustrated keeps on playing.

[Mookieb10]

Golf is relentless. Here in the northeast, we seem to have a nice built in offseason of 3-4 months to build up the longing for the game but A lot of hockey guys I know had to step away for 4-5 years, and then they come back to the beer league and have a great time. Step away. It’s ok… 50% of people in the usa step away from their marriages, I think it’s ok to step away from golf for a bit. One thing I’m certain of, golf will always be here to welcome us back… with open arms. 

Edited July 22 by Mookieb10

[coreyhr]

8 minutes ago, Shankyouverymuch said:

Ironic that it seems that people that used to be good and struggle later are the ones to lose their love of the game while the majority of golfers that struggle to break 100 keep chugging along. Maybe lower expectations?  I have a friend that has never broken 90 for 18 holes and although sometimes frustrated keeps on playing.

I've commented on this fact many times to friends. It doesn't make much sense, but it's absolutely what my experience has been. I think it's that chase for improvement and attaining new achievements. It's almost like golf became monotonous at a certain point for me. I'm a really good player, but I'm not at the level that's going to win a state Mid-Am, Amateur, etc. I've won a few club championships at our club, but that's pretty much where my skill level is going to peak at. So I'm to the point where there's nothing more to chase. I'm going to go play on the weekends and shoot anywhere from 4 under to 2 over. There are times that I'd love to go back and experience that thrill of breaking 80 for the first time, 70 for the first time, etc. I guess aging might give me a chance to experience those highs again as those score will get harder to shoot again. 

[mshills]

1 hour ago, kwcsports said:

Take a break

Yep. 

 

It’s a hobby. OP is not playing golf to feed his family, nor is he an elite Walker Cup level amateur. It’s a hobby — something supposed to bring joy to the time you’re able to devote to it. If that’s not happening, some time away or a detour into a different hobby is totally fine — especially since this one is relatively costly and a high time commitment.

 

I thought I’d had golf taken away forever. A forced 3.5 year hiatus is what it turned out to be, and I’m back and taking far more enjoyment from the game than I ever did before. 

Edited July 22 by mshills

[StoutKing]

I didn't play for years.  Not because golf is hard, but because there were other things that I found more interesting than golf.  Golf will always be there.  I'm playing like 30% of what I did a couple years ago and that's plenty.  Really the only golf things that bring me pleasure now are playing with friends/family and seeing new architecturally significant courses.  That's it.

Edited July 22 by StoutKing

[Rory4Pres]

OP, hang in there.  First off, don't focus on your performance.  The golf game comes and goes.  Taking that stress/load off your mind about your performance will help you find joy in the game again.  Once you find joy in the game, you'll want to play more; and with more play usually comes better play.

 

I recommend 1 preshot swing thought, anything more and you'll start to get overwhelmed.  

 

Keep it fun, take a friend or family member out and play scramble.  Just enjoy being outside and the company.

 

Remember your good shots, not your bad ones.  Those memories will build confidence.  

 

Have fun.

[ZGriswold83]

5 minutes ago, coreyhr said:

I've commented on this fact many times to friends. It doesn't make much sense, but it's absolutely what my experience has been. I think it's that chase for improvement and attaining new achievements. It's almost like golf became monotonous at a certain point for me. I'm a really good player, but I'm not at the level that's going to win a state Mid-Am, Amateur, etc. I've won a few club championships at our club, but that's pretty much where my skill level is going to peak at. So I'm to the point where there's nothing more to chase. I'm going to go play on the weekends and shoot anywhere from 4 under to 2 over. There are times that I'd love to go back and experience that thrill of breaking 80 for the first time, 70 for the first time, etc. I guess aging might give me a chance to experience those highs again as those score will get harder to shoot again. 

I think a major part of my frustration is that I know it's in there. I'm not talking about breaking par. I just want to feel like I'm competent. I keep seeking out professional help and I get 'just throw the club down the right side of the fairway' or 'just wait to release later'. That doesn't resonate with me. I went for a lesson last Friday and he told me to relax and hold off on my release. So I go out and guess or find a new video on how to actually release the club.

 

I know I haven't been talking specifics, but this is what I have been working with. Maybe I'm just too dumb to figure it out on my own or I'm just not trusting the advice. 

[Pepperturbo]

2 hours ago, ZGriswold83 said:

I have been playing golf seriously since I was 16 years old, I'm 40 now. When I was in high school I worked at a golf course, I spent all my free time there. I played on my high school team, tournaments outside of school, played a semester in community college. I flirted with par but was usually in the high 70s as far as scoring. Right before I had kids, I was playing the best golf of my life. Then more and more of my time for golf was gone, my golfing partner moved away, I sustained several back injuries, health issues, getting older... Life happened.

About 5 or so years ago, I was finally able to have more time to dedicate to golf. I decided to get a lesson and it sent me on a downward spiral. The pro told me I needed to change my entire swing. In part, he was absolutely right. I hadn't been using my lower body correctly along with over swinging and it was causing back pain. I stopped going to that course and the pro because he canceled my tee time and gave me a lecture on using golf now to book tee times. So I went out on my own and now here I am wondering if I should keep going.

I have been to several pros locally, got online coaching, training aids, gotten great tips from members here including a long communication back and forth over the winter. I'm just not getting any better. I have no confidence, I have so many things going through my head I focus on one thing and the others are gone. I am missing both ways, I still can't figure out how to get on my lead side, I get 'stuck', I can't find anything that I can use as a consistent swing thought, I try something new on every swing.

I'm not trying to get sympathy, but I have no one to reach out to about this. I feel like I have tried so hard, practiced so much, sought out help and I'm more confused than ever. 

If anyone has any advice, please share it. I can't believe the thought of quitting golf has even crossed my mind. I've poured so much time, energy and money into trying to improve only to fall flat on my face over and over again, I don't know if I can get up anymore. 

This is a natural test.  Love for golf is like love for a wife...over time there are tests. And any time an instructor wants to change your whole swing, that's your cue to walk the other way.

Edited July 22 by Pepperturbo

[mshills]

52 minutes ago, ZGriswold83 said:

I think a major part of my frustration is that I know it's in there. I'm not talking about breaking par. I just want to feel like I'm competent. I keep seeking out professional help and I get 'just throw the club down the right side of the fairway' or 'just wait to release later'. That doesn't resonate with me. I went for a lesson last Friday and he told me to relax and hold off on my release. So I go out and guess or find a new video on how to actually release the club.

 

I know I haven't been talking specifics, but this is what I have been working with. Maybe I'm just too dumb to figure it out on my own or I'm just not trusting the advice. 

All of us amateurs are too dumb to figure it out on our own. For whatever reason, this sport tricks us into thinking we can get good without coaching. It is frankly, crazy. Golf is not a natural motion. What you think you are doing is almost never what you are actually doing. And what you need to do is often completely counter to what you think the solution is. 
 

I played other sports at reasonable levels, and I’ll pick one. For me to think I would have just “dug it out of the (hard tru)” and become a pretty decent tennis player without lessons or coaching is pretty absurd. So why do golfers think this?

 

All this aside, if that ^^^^ is the professional advice you are getting, you need to find new professionals. 👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼

[Petethreeput]

Not uncommon at all.  You have been doing this for a long time.  The most avid players are oftentimes the one's who are too busy to do it.  They (go ahead, throw me in there) go the the office and think about having the time to do it then when they have the time it isn't what they remembered.  I think this is more common with folks who played as kids, and obviously skills decline when not in use.

 

Don't play for a bit.  It'll either come back to you or it won't.  But I wouldn't be too bummed out about it.

 

And, I have always said, expectation is a fun killer.

[Pepperturbo]

2 hours ago, coreyhr said:

Haha. I'm kind of in the same boat right now, confidence wise. I'm 39 and am now at the point where I'm starting to see performance decline in my game. Mine isn't due to swing issues or fundamentals, like it appears you're currently struggling with. Mine is due to finally seeing a difference in the distance department. The drop off happened really quickly it seems. I play a lot with guys in their mid-20's and hitting a 6 iron in while they're hitting PW is starting to chip away at my confidence. I can still play at a high level, it's just getting much harder to do so. I know this will only get worse as I crest that 40 mark, so I think that's in the back of my mind as well. 

When I first took up golf, I measured my distances against others that had been playing a lot longer and were good.  With the advent of strong lofts, it's laughable doing what "club number" and "distance" comparitive. I am 74 now, still playing with traditionally lofted irons while almost everyone else I play with uses stronger lofted irons. 

 

There are plenty of things that can affect us playing golf; distance difference should NOT mean squat to anyone's confidence. You're playing the course, not club distance game.  

 

Recently I was on a par 3, 155 yds. I hit 6i and a scratch younger buddy hit 9i over the pin.  The other day; on par 4 this 5ish cap hit a 2 iron off the tee. My 45-year-old 3-cap colleague hit hybrid and hit the same distance as my ball. Then I hit a 4 iron short of the green; he hit a 5 wood 20 yards longer in the green-side bunker, and we both got up and down for par.

Edited July 22 by Pepperturbo

[ZGriswold83]

26 minutes ago, mshills said:

All this aside, if that ^^^^ is the professional advice you are getting, you need to find new professionals. 👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼

That has been the most frustrating part. I keep going to pros and get absolutely nothing out of other than a band aid. 

[Jose c.]

You have so much golf ahead in life, if you want.  Power of positive thinking goes a long way.

[Llefty]

I understand how you feel.

I'm 70 years old. From 2010 to 2022 I saw 15 "pros" and "swing coaches". Golftec twice. LOTS of range time.

My goal was to be a consistent ball striker. 

Shanks, and OB off the tee one round, fairways and greens the next. The local lessons were little help, more frustration.

 

The best recommendation I can give is to see Monte Scheinblum.

 

You could certainly take a break from golf, but you also have the

option of pursuing the best you can be. It worked for me, he may work for you too.  I'm this guy...

 

 

[RogerinNewZealand]

4 hours ago, coreyhr said:

Chill

Beer

Or Chilled Beer😇

[coreyhr]

5 minutes ago, RogerinNewZealand said:

Chill

Beer

Or Chilled Beer😇

Huh?

 

Edited July 22 by coreyhr

[BCC1898]

2 hours ago, ZGriswold83 said:

That has been the most frustrating part. I keep going to pros and get absolutely nothing out of other than a band aid. 

This is a great time to go back to fundamentals. That’s what drives the golf swing. Also, speak with a teaching pro first. Find out what their theory is. I’ve found that pros without a “system” are best. They don’t try and get you to swing a certain way, they try and get you to swing the best way for YOU. 

[CTgamer]

I’ve been there…at my best (around 15), I was a +4.5 index, could drop a mid sixties round without even thinking. After a bad car accident and a decade as a consultant sitting in a chair all day, it got to the point where I couldn’t break 80…missing driver off the planet, chipping yips, etc.

 

It’s frustrating to feel like you’re going downhill. Or worse, still putting in the effort but don’t feel like you have anything to show for it. Sometimes you need to take time away…others it’s about finding a different facet of the game to enjoy. Deep dive on golf course architecture, work on different shots in the range without the pressure of putting a round together, get really into club design, whatever works for you.
 

I studied fitting and coaching for the 15+ years when I couldn’t play the way I wanted to. About a year ago, I left consulting behind, blew up my whole life, and started work in golf as a fitter and coach. The game is always there for you, but not necessarily in the way you expect. That’s okay too 🍻

 

I’m nowhere near as experienced as some of the other coaches on WRX, but pm me and I’ll try to help, if that’s something you’re interested in. Best of luck 👍🏻

 

 

[ZGriswold83]

1 hour ago, Llefty said:

I understand how you feel.

I'm 70 years old. From 2010 to 2022 I saw 15 "pros" and "swing coaches". Golftec twice. LOTS of range time.

My goal was to be a consistent ball striker. 

Shanks, and OB off the tee one round, fairways and greens the next. The local lessons were little help, more frustration.

 

The best recommendation I can give is to see Monte Scheinblum.

 

You could certainly take a break from golf, but you also have the

option of pursuing the best you can be. It worked for me, he may work for you too.  I'm this guy...

 

 

I ran across the famous cargo shorts NTC video early on in my 'I'm going to fix this myself' phase. His concepts made sense to me, I bought 3 or 4 of his series. I couldn't turn it into anything, except more searching. He did change my perception of what makes a good golf swing. 

[Llefty]

1 hour ago, ZGriswold83 said:

I ran across the famous cargo shorts NTC video early on in my 'I'm going to fix this myself' phase. His concepts made sense to me, I bought 3 or 4 of his series. I couldn't turn it into anything, except more searching. He did change my perception of what makes a good golf swing. 

I've been to two of his three day clinics. IMO that's the best way to make real lasting progress with your whole golf game.

[Maine Golfer]

7 hours ago, ZGriswold83 said:

I am missing both ways, I still can't figure out how to get on my lead side, I get 'stuck', I can't find anything that I can use as a

Stack and tilt if you body can't shift weight , I have a longer back leg and struggled with this until I went I got into reading about stack and tilt. SagutoGolf on Youtube is a good source. Stay on your front side. 

 

 

[ANimz]

8 hours ago, ZGriswold83 said:

I have been playing golf seriously since I was 16 years old, I'm 40 now. When I was in high school I worked at a golf course, I spent all my free time there. I played on my high school team, tournaments outside of school, played a semester in community college. I flirted with par but was usually in the high 70s as far as scoring. Right before I had kids, I was playing the best golf of my life. Then more and more of my time for golf was gone, my golfing partner moved away, I sustained several back injuries, health issues, getting older... Life happened.

About 5 or so years ago, I was finally able to have more time to dedicate to golf. I decided to get a lesson and it sent me on a downward spiral. The pro told me I needed to change my entire swing. In part, he was absolutely right. I hadn't been using my lower body correctly along with over swinging and it was causing back pain. I stopped going to that course and the pro because he canceled my tee time and gave me a lecture on using golf now to book tee times. So I went out on my own and now here I am wondering if I should keep going.

I have been to several pros locally, got online coaching, training aids, gotten great tips from members here including a long communication back and forth over the winter. I'm just not getting any better. I have no confidence, I have so many things going through my head I focus on one thing and the others are gone. I am missing both ways, I still can't figure out how to get on my lead side, I get 'stuck', I can't find anything that I can use as a consistent swing thought, I try something new on every swing.

I'm not trying to get sympathy, but I have no one to reach out to about this. I feel like I have tried so hard, practiced so much, sought out help and I'm more confused than ever. 

If anyone has any advice, please share it. I can't believe the thought of quitting golf has even crossed my mind. I've poured so much time, energy and money into trying to improve only to fall flat on my face over and over again, I don't know if I can get up anymore. 

It sucks to see golf buddies leave.  I was military so have seen my fair share of friends come and go.  The bright side of it all is that I have golf friends all around the country now.  I feel like a lot of what you are going through is more common that you think in the 40's.  I started losing the distance after 35.  It really hit at 40.  

 

A few thoughts come to mind when reading your post.  If you have never had a fitting, do it.  Make sure you are in the right gear and have zero question about it.  Take care of the back as best you can.  Try to do some planks and body weight PT drills to help keep your back in some decent shape.  I know it is tough to come back from though in my own experience.  Also, check all the fundamentals.  Make sure the grip is good and your set up for the shot is proper.  Small changes in the set up and grip can easily create some issues.  Finally, if you are really struggling with getting the weight forward, you could try a pressure plate board to help get a feel for it.  Focus on pushing off that lead leg to clear the lead hip should get you going in the right direction.  

[ZGriswold83]

40 minutes ago, ANimz said:

It sucks to see golf buddies leave.  I was military so have seen my fair share of friends come and go.  The bright side of it all is that I have golf friends all around the country now.  I feel like a lot of what you are going through is more common that you think in the 40's.  I started losing the distance after 35.  It really hit at 40.  

 

A few thoughts come to mind when reading your post.  If you have never had a fitting, do it.  Make sure you are in the right gear and have zero question about it.  Take care of the back as best you can.  Try to do some planks and body weight PT drills to help keep your back in some decent shape.  I know it is tough to come back from though in my own experience.  Also, check all the fundamentals.  Make sure the grip is good and your set up for the shot is proper.  Small changes in the set up and grip can easily create some issues.  Finally, if you are really struggling with getting the weight forward, you could try a pressure plate board to help get a feel for it.  Focus on pushing off that lead leg to clear the lead hip should get you going in the right direction.  

I was fit for irons about 4 years ago, my swing has changed a lot since then, so it might be time again. I haven't had a driver fitting and it's past time, I tend to buy a head I like then try 3 or 4 shafts in it, absolutely the wrong way to go about it. 

[Saijin]

10 hours ago, ZGriswold83 said:

I have been playing golf seriously since I was 16 years old, I'm 40 now. When I was in high school I worked at a golf course, I spent all my free time there. I played on my high school team, tournaments outside of school, played a semester in community college. I flirted with par but was usually in the high 70s as far as scoring. Right before I had kids, I was playing the best golf of my life. Then more and more of my time for golf was gone, my golfing partner moved away, I sustained several back injuries, health issues, getting older... Life happened.

About 5 or so years ago, I was finally able to have more time to dedicate to golf. I decided to get a lesson and it sent me on a downward spiral. The pro told me I needed to change my entire swing. In part, he was absolutely right. I hadn't been using my lower body correctly along with over swinging and it was causing back pain. I stopped going to that course and the pro because he canceled my tee time and gave me a lecture on using golf now to book tee times. So I went out on my own and now here I am wondering if I should keep going.

I have been to several pros locally, got online coaching, training aids, gotten great tips from members here including a long communication back and forth over the winter. I'm just not getting any better. I have no confidence, I have so many things going through my head I focus on one thing and the others are gone. I am missing both ways, I still can't figure out how to get on my lead side, I get 'stuck', I can't find anything that I can use as a consistent swing thought, I try something new on every swing.

I'm not trying to get sympathy, but I have no one to reach out to about this. I feel like I have tried so hard, practiced so much, sought out help and I'm more confused than ever. 

If anyone has any advice, please share it. I can't believe the thought of quitting golf has even crossed my mind. I've poured so much time, energy and money into trying to improve only to fall flat on my face over and over again, I don't know if I can get up anymore. 

 

All of us have been there and I think you're very blessed to have been able to play since you were a teen.

Don't let it go, it's a great game and it can open doors to business and other successful people.

 

1. I'd take a break until the itch to hit balls come back, you'll be more relaxed.

 

2. Most coaches are crap... they really are. Every human is unique, people have their own tendencies and quirkiness.

If a coach just wants to give you a textbook swing , run.

Quick fix for a flaw, run.

Doesn't give you the absolute basic foundation, run.

GIve you what you want? Not what you need, run.

 

Unfortunately I can't help you look for a coach, but if you don't give up and you keep interviewing and doing intro lessons that's free with teachers, you'll end up finding the right one for you.

 

So don't give up, you'll regret it.

 

PS: 40yo is not old. Unless you don't take care of your diet and physical body of course... LOL