Emotional Story that I want to share...

[StarFleetGolfer]

For three years we thought my daughter had Autism as she wasn't interested in talking until she was 4. Everyone told us what she couldn't do, but we pushed her. She is five now and talking almost normally, reading and writing and getting much more social. Good luck , you sound like a great dad.

[J Jack]

Just so impressed with the will and the spirit of the OP and the responders.

You're great dads and my hat is off to all of you.

[KLeC]

Junkie, my first thought is that this little guy is lucky to have you as his dad.

[ChipDriver]

Junki:

I apologize in advance - but I will be a Dutch Uncle and give you a kick in the nuts.


Stop being so selfish and self-absorbed. Screw golf - and what you think it means. You have a wonderful son. Stop thinking about what he can't do - and focus harder on what he CAN do.

"Man plans - God laughs." So true with life. What you have in store for your son, may not be anything close to what he can accomplish. Raise him in the way that he leads you...and be open to change. Children - ALL children are a blessing to their parents - it's what changes them from "man and wife" - to FAMILY. Family isn't something that you can chart out and plan - it's something to be a part of and participate. Be open to what may lie ahead - it will help.

FWIW - many of my nieces and nephews all have some sort of Down Syndrome, Severe Autism (doesn't interact spontaneously with anyone), Aspergers, Dyslexia (why do they make that word so hard to spell???) OCD, ADHD .... and we love them in different ways...but we love them, and they are all amazing in their own ways.

Everyone assumes that they will have a healthy "normal" kid. They don't.

But by the same token if you don't have one - people tend to think that their kid is broken. They AREN'T!!!!

Hang in there Junki - be a good dad. You may "like" golf....but JUnki I promise you - you NEED your son. Enjoy the heck out of him and love him to death - the reward will be better than 18 holes in one in a row.

[FLGOLFJUNKIE]

Amen Chip!! Not a kick in the nuts at all. I agree with your statement.

[OrangeCrush]

Just because he might not be able to play doesn't mean you can't bring him along with you. I have 2 golfing buddies with Autistic sons. One is 16 the other 7. They both bring their kids along with them in the cart. Its all about just spending time with your little one regardless of their "issue".

Your son is also very young, his athletic prowess is yet to be determined. My Co. hires developmentally challenged people and there is one kid who stands out. He has Asperger's and does data entry work. One of his issues is he has to get up and walk around for a bit then goes back to work. I know his Manager. he said this kid might "physically" work 4-4.5hrs a day but quantity wise he beats the 7.5hr employees. His ability to see numbers/issues in manfests so quickly is borderline scary according to his boss. So keep your head up your son will be just fine!!

You are a great dad!!!!!!!

[AtlBomber]

Great story!

[Smoot]

My 5 year old princess has had 22 surgeries to remove tumors from her esophagus due to RRP. She has been close to death several times, and it shook my life to the ground. She is now in complete remission, and doing great. Moral of the story, you can overcome anything, take the moments in and enjoy every second you can.

[dplevin]

WOW, this has got to be the coolest thread I have ever found. I'm only 16 and love golf, but this stuff is waaaaaaaaay more important.

First some background:

I have a younger brother (3 years younger) who has Austism/ADHD and a whole bunch of other stuff that's too complicated to get into on this forum. I have no other siblings. If you saw him in a line-up you would think he is just like any other kid around him, but you'd be a bit off. Being his brother gives me a completely different outlook on autism. He doesn't seem to be quite like your kid, he doesn't excel in math or science or logic like some kids with developmental/social disabilities. I sort of expect him to be like me and he expects to be like me also (sports, school, etc.) and he looks up to me. The fact of the matter is that we can't be the same. I played on the lacrosse team, he is the manager. I am a pretty decent honors student at one of the better high schools in the country and he struggles in the "normal classes at his public middle school. [b] If you expect Christian to grow up just like you did, boy are you in for a ride[/b]. Raising a kid with developmental disabilities is more time consuming and difficult than you probably realize right now, but a lot of that depends on how self-sufficient your kid is.

He probably wont be going to play 18 with you very often.
A. it requires a long attention span which is rare
B. It requires a reasonable amount of hand-eye coordination which is rare (he is pretty fast and strong, so sports aren't out of the question)

I've sort of talked it down right now but I am so glad that my brother has autism and other the other stuff that he has.
Life is also more simple in some ways. He has no guile which can be rewarding and hilarious and awkward at the same time.
He always forgives me for all of the bulls**t I do that is annoying, wrong, tiresome.
No family politics with him when I grow up (always straight answers and honesty)
It's hard for him to make friends so I know that I can always count on him and he will always have to count on me.

some stuff you might want to know:
there are a lot more kids being born with autism or adhd or developmental disabilities nowadays.
don't force him into anything unnecessary (i.e. golf)
make sure he has a brother or sister

PM me if you have questions about what it's like and good programs/things to do, or if you are in Minnesota and want to play 18 (I'll get you on a nice course )

BTW, sorry for any spelling mistakes, it's late here

[zm231]

What a great thread! All the best to the OP, Junki, and all the other posters in here!

[Arizonalefty59]

Will whoever is cutting those onions please stop........ In all seriousness I'm praying for you brother, I'm sure you Are a wonderful dad and you will continue to be one no matter how hard things might get...

Brendan

[FLGOLFJUNKIE]

UPDATE:

Christian has his first appointment with the developmental pediatrician this Wednesday. We are anxious and very eager to go and talk to a professional about our concerns and to have them do whatever they need to do to help him. Tantrums are getting worse since he can't communicate with words, so he throws a lot of fits and it's getting really hard to take him out with us. Keeping our heads up!! BTW, here's Christian.

[attachment=1195530:photo (9).JPG]

[Smoot]

Good luck, everything will be fine.

[SodFather]

Been there, trust me it will get better. My boy was diagnosed at age 3 and between then and 4 1/2 his tantrums were terrible. We virtually went nowhere during that time, going out to dinner was a major ordeal. We were at the end of our rope, until we started aba therapy. Most of the time they are tantruming because they are frustrated and can't communicate why. The aba therapists tought him, and us, how to express feelings and learn to understand each others needs. Today my boy is 5 1/2 and is a markedly different child. He still has some speech impediments and has a hard time socially but I can't remember the last time he had a tantrum. My wife says aba gave her back her sweet little boy.
I know things are very overwhelming right now, but it will get better. One thing I can say about autistic kids are they are pure. They are honest and loving children, and as soon as your child learns to communicate a little better he will show you that. Don't worry about golfing with him just yet, that may interest him, may not. Learn to love what he loves. My little boy has got me addicted to Legos and video games now. But just sharing a hobby with him brings me more joy then my best round ever has. Enjoy being a father and appreciate the precious little boy you have.

[eagles1]

My story:

My son was diagnosed with "Tetrology of Fallot", a rather complicated congential heart condition at week 32 of pregnancy. The condition is also referred to a "blue baby syndrome" since the blood does not oxify properly. My wife and I were informed that he would require open heart surgeryen within the first six months of life to correct the condition. When he was born, he also had low calcium and a cleft palate. These are all "midline" defects (defects around the center portion of the body). He was in NICU at our local hospital for the first 10 days of his life and had to be transferred to The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia ("CHOP") " because he had "failure to thrive". I remember like yesterday how they had to put him an oxygenated tank for the 45 minute trip to CHOP. While there, my wife and I had to go to training as to how to replace his G-tube should he continue not to feed. A g-tube is the insertion of a tube into the nose of the child and down into his stomach. As I remember practicing how to do this on a dummy, my thought was "is this how it's going to be for the rest of his (and my) life?" I was scared. Fortunately, he was released from CHOP a few days later and was eating on his own.

At the three month mark, it was time for surgery as his oxygen saturation levels were getting low. I remember handing my child off to the anesteisologist, my wife by my side, holding a rosary and watching as they led my son through the double doors into surgery. It was horrible. Surgery lasted approximately 3 hours, and he was on a heart/lung bypass for 45 minutes. The hospital was very good about providing updates. Surgery went fine.

Seeing him for the first time post-op was terrifying. His chest had a big white cloth guarding the incision that went from the top of the rib cage down to the lower part of the sternum. He had wires coming out from everywhere. He was awake, but clearly in no condition to move. He looked up at me, helplessly with that "Don't leave me Daddy" expression. i promised him that I never would.

Fast forward to today - my son is now five years old and his heart is doing fine. His surgery for his cleft palate also went off without a hitch. He has global delays and was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at age 2 1/2. He has been receiving intensive therapy (occupational, behavioral, speech) since he was 6 months old. He has made great strides, but everything has been delayed. He did not start walking until he was almost two and today his vocabulary is very limited.

I believe my son was chosen for my wife and I because "His" plan knew that we could accept the responsibility. The genetics department at CHOP beelieves that there is some sort of anomaly associated with him, most prevalent is a condition known as 22q11 deletion, which is a deletion of the small arm of the 22nd chromosome. All testing to date shows he is negative for the condition, and he is now on a research only project wherby they are mapping his whole genetic make-up. That process started last October and we expect results within the next few months.

Provided all of the above, my son is an energetic, loving boy and the pride and joy of his father. At the end of the day. it doesn't matter what an "official" diagnosis is. Remember always to be your child's advocate.

My son's future will involve many obstacles, and he will write his own story. I'm just very fortunate to be along for the ride.

[goobers80]

[quote name='FLGOLFJUNKIE' timestamp='1336491967' post='4872370']
3 years ago on March 25th, I saw my son Christian come into this world, and became a proud father. Needless to say, my life has changed since. Watching my son grow and develop has been something that I will cherish and remember throughout my life, and I cannot wait to be able to share many rounds of golf with him as the years go on. As of a few months ago, we started seeing some signs of possible developmental issues with Christian. He is an incredibly smart kid, puts 35-40 piece puzzles together in less than 4 minutes, he knows his numbers from one to 20, etc. etc. However, he is not very social, he doesn't interact and play with other kids, loud noises bother him, any sign of change leads to a tantrum, as well as other symptoms.

As of a week ago, we brought him to our local school district to get him evaluated through the school's early intervention program. His first appointment didn't go so well, he failed the developmental evaluation, and needs to be seen again. The next few appointments will determine what is going to happen, and we might get a diagnosis in the next month or two, as we are getting second opinions from other agencies and doctors. But it seems like autism and/or asperger's are some of the issues we should be preparing to face.

I'm so proud to be his father, I'm so happy that he loves to read, loves to smile and play and puts a smile on my face every single day. I know that autistic kids and children with asperger's are not the most athletic, so this saddens me, knowing that maybe I won't be able to share many rounds of golf with my son for years to come as I originally thought. But never say never!!! I'm staying positive through this situation, and praying that whatever happens, I am able to watch my son grow into a young man, to go to school like a normal child, and play with other kids as I did when I was younger. This is what has been in my head lately, it has been a few weeks full of thinking, going to appointments, but I will continue to stay positive through this.

Please share if you have a similar situation or if you know someone who has gone through this.
[/quote]

[color=#800080]I could share with you from personal experience. I have asperger's/autism (among a lot of other things) and below are posssibly two links with exapmles of the life and golf stuffs. Typing is my main way to communicate. I do not enjoy people or talking very much really. I am clumsy or discoordinated a lot. My attention is easily lost. I rarely focus on much golfing, but focus a lot. On page 9 you could see a longer post by me describing my *aspie golf* .[/color]

[color=#800080][url="http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/695852-playing-golf-with-mental-disordersillnesses-share-if-you-would-like/"]http://www.golfwrx.c...you-would-like/[/url][/color]


[color=#800080][url="http://www.golfwrx.com/forums/topic/677654-new-member-bag-a-girl-with-links-and-videos/"]http://www.golfwrx.c...nks-and-videos/[/url][/color]

[color=#800080]You have to be ready for him to be bullied as well. I basically got everything really besides being killed done to me and doing also to myself. My friends/family abused me after they had their *fun* , parents who did the same really. Now he is not a girl, so i doubt he would be forced upon by a guy. It is good you are going to be accepting, mine were not. My *family* consists of 14 clubs (give / take 10) , stuffed animals, hockey cards, video games, movies and one person I sort of talk to. I do have golf *friends* that treat me okay. Golf was my *bridge* into your world and I feel *comfortable* around golfers. Otherwise I am nervous jumpy always looking down , scared of being hurt , and hurrying and sorta flapping along my way.[/color]

[color=#800080]Yes, I am *wierd* but my world is normal to me and yours is *wierd* to me. It is just if he really has it, it is terribly hard living it, so must be prepared for it. I did not get special help because nobody would give it to me and my mom is/was in denial. School was too hard, I learn much different. [/color]

[color=#800080]And also if he is super interested in something let it be. I know for me I must research everything about topics or watch about or do. Things fascinate me and everyday I look for new things. Nature is best. I am very chilidsh and immature and naive , but to me that is normal so it is only how others may think I am. It is just his or my world is not going to be your world. It does not mean that they cannot be *bridged* with golf for example. For me puzzling together conceptually for golf has been my saving thing to keep going for my golf goals. And finding a coach willing to do that and work on it for me. I am now hitting it better than ever before.[/color]

[color=#800080]I have melt-downs still and I am out of college (well I failed out and dropped out another). It is a mix of everything I have piling on and I cannot always handle it. I am content not knowing what is socially *okay* or *bad* . I am honest, I do care but also do not care at the same time. I do not feel emotions as you or others do. I cannot express them. [/color]

[color=#800080]Now on the golf side..well hopefully if you look at my posts or swing video that things are not all *hopeless* . In the bag post I on page 9 describe how my *autism/aspie golf* world is.[/color]

[oaix]

Wow, I can't imagine what you must be going through, but better times are ahead! Good luck to you and your boy Christian!

[coozapalooza]

I'm only 20 and I always wrap my tool so I can't exactly share any knowledge about having a son, but I do work at Golf Galaxy, where last week a man brought his severely handicapped son in with him. He wasn't walking like what we consider to be normal, and he really couldn't communicate much at all. I don't know how much of what I was saying he was getting. However, he still tried his hardest and was driving the ball about 150yds on our simulator. It was very touching for me to watch.

Point is, no matter what happens to your son, don't ever count out human will.

Golf is some of the best times a dad and a son can share. You still have that opportunity.