Golf and Relationships... Am I the problem?

[BigOgolfer]

[quote name='somaplr' timestamp='1375197036' post='7568476']
[quote name='sheldonjhacker' timestamp='1375193634' post='7568102']
[quote name='SilverBullets' timestamp='1375191330' post='7567830']
I don't think you are bad. You only have one life to live and there's no reason to not live it the way you want to. The fact of the matter is, you haven't found the right girl yet. Your partner should not hinder your life. You'll find someone who matches your lifestyle. Either they will want to play with you, won't care how often you play, or you will enjoy their company so much that YOU make the conscious decision to spend more time with them than golf (and that's because YOU want to. Not the other way around). It just sounds to me like you haven't found the right person.

When I first met my wife, I told her golf was not going away. It's my hobby and what I like to do. When we first started dating I played a ton. Then, at some point, I realized I simply enjoyed her company. I wanted to be around her. I was willing to sacrifice rounds of golf to be with her. But it was because that's what I wanted. A few years back she got interested in golf. Now we are married, she plays golf, and I am playing 3-4 days a week with no complaints from her.

You just need to find the right person. You will know when you find her.
[/quote]

^^^ THIS !!!!
[/quote]

Not This.

If you truly want to maintain a relationship - it is about sacrifices. That means....NOT doing what you want all the time. If you have a borderline obsession - with evenings being [b][i]dedicated [/i][/b]to spending time on the BST and range, you aren't going to have too many women falling over themselves for you - and that's even if you're a good looking guy.

If you'd rather do all things golf, and want to do that ALL the time, and could care less spending time with your woman - then why even get married or want a relationship?

I repeat, no woman is going to understand that you don't want to spend zero time with her - and if that is your mentatility, why would you even seek a relationship?
[/quote]

Sorry, I think SilverBullets was 100% dead on. Some women don't want you to play more than a few times a summer. Some don't mind golf so long as you don't play too much. Some don't mind if you play twice a day. Some partners are needier than others and there is no objective right or wrong in it. The OP never said he spends zero time with them. And there are obvious reasons to seek a relationship even for golfers with Hogan-like obsessions. He didn't say he doesn't have any other needs.

You CAN find a woman who fits your mold, if you have one. I'm not picking on you here but just because one man might make a golf sacrifice for a woman, it doesn't mean that every woman needs her man to sacrifice golf. But it may be best for you. To each, his and her own.

[HighSpeedScene]

[quote name='gustoteg' timestamp='1375191546' post='7567872']
This is funny cause my wife says I love golf more than her all the time.... But in our instance she knows its not true, cause even though I play/practice almost everyday, I always make time to do things with her and the kids, and I involve my son in my golf as much as possible which can be tricky as he's only 4 but he's one hell of a putter....
[/quote]

Wish my son could putt - kids got no touch...poor kid, probably hereditary

[teejaywhy]

A balance is required for a successful relationship. The actual balance point is entirely dependent on the individuals.

[somaplr]

[quote name='BigOgolfer' timestamp='1375203594' post='7569330']
[quote name='somaplr' timestamp='1375197036' post='7568476']
[quote name='sheldonjhacker' timestamp='1375193634' post='7568102']
[quote name='SilverBullets' timestamp='1375191330' post='7567830']
I don't think you are bad. You only have one life to live and there's no reason to not live it the way you want to. The fact of the matter is, you haven't found the right girl yet. Your partner should not hinder your life. You'll find someone who matches your lifestyle. Either they will want to play with you, won't care how often you play, or you will enjoy their company so much that YOU make the conscious decision to spend more time with them than golf (and that's because YOU want to. Not the other way around). It just sounds to me like you haven't found the right person.

When I first met my wife, I told her golf was not going away. It's my hobby and what I like to do. When we first started dating I played a ton. Then, at some point, I realized I simply enjoyed her company. I wanted to be around her. I was willing to sacrifice rounds of golf to be with her. But it was because that's what I wanted. A few years back she got interested in golf. Now we are married, she plays golf, and I am playing 3-4 days a week with no complaints from her.

You just need to find the right person. You will know when you find her.
[/quote]

^^^ THIS !!!!
[/quote]

Not This.

If you truly want to maintain a relationship - it is about sacrifices. That means....NOT doing what you want all the time. If you have a borderline obsession - with evenings being [b][i]dedicated [/i][/b]to spending time on the BST and range, you aren't going to have too many women falling over themselves for you - and that's even if you're a good looking guy.

If you'd rather do all things golf, and want to do that ALL the time, and could care less spending time with your woman - then why even get married or want a relationship?

I repeat, no woman is going to understand that you don't want to spend zero time with her - and if that is your mentatility, why would you even seek a relationship?
[/quote]

Sorry, I think SilverBullets was 100% dead on. Some women don't want you to play more than a few times a summer. Some don't mind golf so long as you don't play too much. Some don't mind if you play twice a day. Some partners are needier than others and there is no objective right or wrong in it. The OP never said he spends zero time with them. And there are obvious reasons to seek a relationship even for golfers with Hogan-like obsessions. He didn't say he doesn't have any other needs.

You CAN find a woman who fits your mold, if you have one. I'm not picking on you here but just because one man might make a golf sacrifice for a woman, it doesn't mean that every woman needs her man to sacrifice golf. But it may be best for you. To each, his and her own.
[/quote]

You're allowed to disagree - I was giving a certain perspective. It doesn't make me right and your wrong - or vice versa. The point was is that good relationships are about give and take - sacrafices. If you want to work, then play golf 7 days a week on top of that certainly doesn't make you a bad person. Fundamentally, sure...you should never change who you are. But if you walk into a relationship saying...hey girl, I play golf 5 times a week - hit balls the other two days and on top of that I spend hours on the internet looking for clubs to buy (I'd much rather do that than spend time with you)...and you are in your 30's and you put your needs before others 100% of the time and expect that to work ...my only response to that is....good luck.

[Skaffa77]

[quote name='somaplr' timestamp='1375197036' post='7568476']
[quote name='sheldonjhacker' timestamp='1375193634' post='7568102']
[quote name='SilverBullets' timestamp='1375191330' post='7567830']
I don't think you are bad. You only have one life to live and there's no reason to not live it the way you want to. The fact of the matter is, you haven't found the right girl yet. Your partner should not hinder your life. You'll find someone who matches your lifestyle. Either they will want to play with you, won't care how often you play, or you will enjoy their company so much that YOU make the conscious decision to spend more time with them than golf (and that's because YOU want to. Not the other way around). It just sounds to me like you haven't found the right person.

When I first met my wife, I told her golf was not going away. It's my hobby and what I like to do. When we first started dating I played a ton. Then, at some point, I realized I simply enjoyed her company. I wanted to be around her. I was willing to sacrifice rounds of golf to be with her. But it was because that's what I wanted. A few years back she got interested in golf. Now we are married, she plays golf, and I am playing 3-4 days a week with no complaints from her.

You just need to find the right person. You will know when you find her.
[/quote]

^^^ THIS !!!!
[/quote]


If you truly want to maintain a relationship - it is about sacrifices. That means....NOT doing what you want all the time. If you have a borderline obsession - with evenings being [b][i]dedicated [/i][/b]to spending time on the BST and range, you aren't going to have too many women falling over themselves for you - and that's even if you're a good looking guy.

If you'd rather do all things golf, and want to do that ALL the time, and could care less spending time with your woman - then why even get married or want a relationship?

I repeat, no woman is going to understand that you don't want to spend zero time with her - and if that is your mentatility, why would you even seek a relationship?
[/quote]

Ironically, I think you both are saying the same thing. Basically the point I read from SilverBullets is that WHEN you find the right girl...you'll be willing to sacrafice some golf to make the relationship work. If you don't find that girl, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship because you won't sacrifice unless you find that mythical girlfriend that is super supportive/accomidating regardless of the quantity of quality time.

[Ezgolfer]

You need to find an independent lady who does not cling to you and there are plenty ..
Remember to let her go shopping and do her things, while you are golfing with your buddies and everything will work out fine .

[SilverBullets]

[quote name='Skaffa77' timestamp='1375205324' post='7569556']
[quote name='somaplr' timestamp='1375197036' post='7568476']
[quote name='sheldonjhacker' timestamp='1375193634' post='7568102']
[quote name='SilverBullets' timestamp='1375191330' post='7567830']
I don't think you are bad. You only have one life to live and there's no reason to not live it the way you want to. The fact of the matter is, you haven't found the right girl yet. Your partner should not hinder your life. You'll find someone who matches your lifestyle. Either they will want to play with you, won't care how often you play, or you will enjoy their company so much that YOU make the conscious decision to spend more time with them than golf (and that's because YOU want to. Not the other way around). It just sounds to me like you haven't found the right person.

When I first met my wife, I told her golf was not going away. It's my hobby and what I like to do. When we first started dating I played a ton. Then, at some point, I realized I simply enjoyed her company. I wanted to be around her. I was willing to sacrifice rounds of golf to be with her. But it was because that's what I wanted. A few years back she got interested in golf. Now we are married, she plays golf, and I am playing 3-4 days a week with no complaints from her.

You just need to find the right person. You will know when you find her.
[/quote]

^^^ THIS !!!!
[/quote]


If you truly want to maintain a relationship - it is about sacrifices. That means....NOT doing what you want all the time. If you have a borderline obsession - with evenings being [b][i]dedicated [/i][/b]to spending time on the BST and range, you aren't going to have too many women falling over themselves for you - and that's even if you're a good looking guy.

If you'd rather do all things golf, and want to do that ALL the time, and could care less spending time with your woman - then why even get married or want a relationship?

I repeat, no woman is going to understand that you don't want to spend zero time with her - and if that is your mentatility, why would you even seek a relationship?
[/quote]

Ironically, I think you both are saying the same thing. Basically the point I read from SilverBullets is that WHEN you find the right girl...you'll be willing to sacrafice some golf to make the relationship work. If you don't find that girl, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship because you won't sacrifice unless you find that mythical girlfriend that is super supportive/accomidating regardless of the quantity of quality time.
[/quote]

As I read Somaplr's post I knew he was a smart man. He was basically saying what I was trying to say but he put it in better terms. The point I was trying to make is that you shouldn't be forced not do something you want. If you find the right person, you are willingly going to change your priorities because you realize that spending time with said person is more enjoyable than being on the course 24/7. Do I still love the game? Absolutely. Do I play as much as I once did? Nope. Am I disappointed by that? Nope. The fact is my wife is my best friend and I enjoy spending time with her and willingly skip rounds of golf or range sessions to do things we enjoy. The point I was trying to make is that the OP is not wrong, he just hasn't found the right person yet. The person that makes him want to sacrifice his golf game because spending time with that person is just as enjoyable.

[jones137]

Nothing wrong with you, you just need to be a little smarter. Start off the relationship telling them you are trying to become a professional golfer and that you have to work on your game a lot to reach the big leagues. You can carry that on for a long time and always extend it to trying to get on the Senior Tour. Tell them how much professional golfers make and that you are very close. Sooner or later they'll figure it out but by that time they are so used to you playing all the time that they don't care.

Son, you dun goofed.

[Roody]

[quote name='SMAKCruiser' timestamp='1375202451' post='7569170']
[quote name='djmohab2' timestamp='1375200992' post='7569022']
My bit of advice is be upfront about it from the beginning. It's a lot easier to maintain something that she is accustomed to, than to drop the clubs during the honeymoon phase and then pick them up months later and her wondering if you're attempting to replace her with something.

On another note, as a fellow Rochester, NY native, will you be partaking in any of the PGA Championship festivities next week?
[/quote]

Yes sir. I will try to be there for rounds 3, 4 and one of the practice rounds. Unfortunately, I am a little busy at work to attend the entire week
[/quote]
I will be partaking as well. I did several of the rounds when they were here in 2003 (got to see the Micheel shot first-hand, very cool). This time around however, I'm just going to one of the practice rounds. I just wanna take pictures, I figure I can watch the rest on TV.

[somaplr]

I know way too many people that would disagree with your comment about me being a smart man. I think we were saying the same thing in just different ways

[bmahony]

[quote name='SMAKCruiser' timestamp='1375190785' post='7567768']
How many of you have broken up with their girlfriend/wife/fiance over the game?

I only ask because over the past 4 years I have ended two longish relationships due to my obsession with the game. One was almost two years and the other was one year. Both ended with two memorable quotes, "I wish you worked on us as much as you worked on your golf game" and the other was "wish you cared as much for me as you do for golf" I can't argue with them because I would rather play, practice and BST then spend time with them. Evenings during the week are dedicated to range time, putting and playing some holes and weekends are for as many rounds as I possibly can get in. Neither of them understood the equipment obsession...

So am I a bad guy because I would rather play golf then spend time with my girl (ex's now) or is the game of golf that one lady you don't mess with and it is just weeding out the ones that I shouldn't be with because I will find one that understands it all someday?
[/quote]thats why most married men play golf so they can get away from their wives

[knockdstiff]

A lot of women will have a problem with basically anything you want to do that doesn't centrally involve them. Learn to spot and avoid these types.

[cleanfreak]

I am 12 and what is this?

[Ezgolfer]

[quote name='cleanfreak' timestamp='1375207936' post='7569862']
I am 12 and what is this?
[/quote]

All they are saying is stop chasing girls and go practice chipping and putting till your hands bleed.

[putts4bogey]

A successful relationship usually involves a little "give and take." I play a reasonable amount of golf, (playing each weekend day my schedule permits with 80+ rounds per season), but I indirectly involve my wife, not leaving her to be a "golf widow." I play early in the day (tee off before 7:30, or even earlier), leaving the balance of the day to share with her. After each round, I hit the showers again and take her to a nice, upscale lunch. Over hors d'oeuvres, she typically asks how I played, what my favorite part of the round was, etc. By the time our entrees arrive, we are usually on to other topics. By dessert, we are discussing where to make reservations for the next post-golf lunch. She is genuinely supportive of my play and she likes the routine of my golf followed by our lunch. I have a great time playing golf, and I have a fantastic wife!

[scttrmsy]

[quote name='somaplr' timestamp='1375197036' post='7568476']
[quote name='sheldonjhacker' timestamp='1375193634' post='7568102']
[quote name='SilverBullets' timestamp='1375191330' post='7567830']
I don't think you are bad. You only have one life to live and there's no reason to not live it the way you want to. The fact of the matter is, you haven't found the right girl yet. Your partner should not hinder your life. You'll find someone who matches your lifestyle. Either they will want to play with you, won't care how often you play, or you will enjoy their company so much that YOU make the conscious decision to spend more time with them than golf (and that's because YOU want to. Not the other way around). It just sounds to me like you haven't found the right person.

When I first met my wife, I told her golf was not going away. It's my hobby and what I like to do. When we first started dating I played a ton. Then, at some point, I realized I simply enjoyed her company. I wanted to be around her. I was willing to sacrifice rounds of golf to be with her. But it was because that's what I wanted. A few years back she got interested in golf. Now we are married, she plays golf, and I am playing 3-4 days a week with no complaints from her.

You just need to find the right person. You will know when you find her.
[/quote]

^^^ THIS !!!!
[/quote]
If you truly want to maintain a relationship - it is about sacrifices.[/quote]

Some good wisdom ^^^ up there. I'd add communication to the sacrifice.

I golf 2-3 rounds a week plus 1-2 range sessions. It's only a problem when I a) don't set the expectation of my golf plans or b) make my wife feel like a "game" is more important than her. And for the record, it's not even close.

BTW - nothing wrong with having an obsession over <insert passion here>, the boys above are merely saying that <insert passion here> one day might just be Mrs. OP.

[scttrmsy]

Also, never ever EVER be too tired for the honey-do-list because of golf.

[ben w]

great advice in this thread. The clingy type who has problems with you doing anything that won't involve her.... RUN. Not the sign of a healthy, independent person. Additionally, if she is the kind that sits around the house all the time and doesn't have any hobbies outside of it is another problem. She won't understand why you leave the house (and her) to have fun, and will either get sad or angry. You'll make her happy when you're home, but you'll catch yourself looking out the window at the sun, blue sky, and green grass, and then you'll be the one who's sad or angry. Been there done that!

Balancing your life and making her feel important are they keys. If she ever feels like she has to compete with golf, it will breed resentment. If she does not feel like she has to compete with golf, she won't mind you doing it. putts4bogey has a great idea going with the lunch after his regular weekend round, I do the same thing with mine. I also am fortunate to have a girl with many hobbies during the week after work that occupy her time while I practice or play 9. Her father also plays a lot of golf and she has told me that she has seen firsthand that relationships can thrive even when lots of golf is played.

[knockdstiff]

I should add my current girlfriend is extremely supportive of my passion for the game. Today (like most mornings) she was patting me on the butt at 5am saying "Get up, time to go play golf...you can be the first one off the tee...."

Keep searching until you find this. It exists.

[MichiganMike]

[quote name='knockdstiff' timestamp='1375210183' post='7570224']
I should add my current girlfriend is extremely supportive of my passion for the game. Today (like most mornings) she was patting me on the butt at 5am saying "Get up, time to go play golf...you can be the first one off the tee...."

Keep searching until you find this. It exists.
[/quote]

Good for you. But I can't help but imagine some alternate scenarios...
---------------------------------
I should add my current girlfriend is extremely supportive of my passion for the game. Today (like most mornings) she was patting me on the butt at 5am saying "Get up, time to go play golf...you can be the first one off the tee...." When I rolled over, she added "Oh, I see you're already up! Maybe you don't have to be first today..."
----------------------------------
I should add my current girlfriend is extremely supportive of my passion for the game. Today (like most mornings) she was patting me on the butt at 5am saying "Get up, time to go play golf...the pool boy is going to be here soon..."

[NatsFan2013]

In all seriousness...I think you just haven't found the right girl.

Find the right girl and your priorities will change. I promise you.

[sheppy335]

You are not bad, one thing is be up front about it to new GF's. that way they cant throw it in your face. If you are not worried about getting married right now and want to golf as much as you can then do it. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[SMAKCruiser]

Thanks for all the good advice guys, I appreciate it.

It's not that I don't WANT to spend time with them. I just would rather do it once I am done with golf related things for the day or at night. We will see what the future holds for me! But I am a happy guy!

[knockdstiff]

[quote name='SMAKCruiser' timestamp='1375217034' post='7570936']
Thanks for all the good advice guys, I appreciate it.

It's not that I don't WANT to spend time with them. I just would rather do it once I am done with golf related things for the day or at night. We will see what the future holds for me! But I am a happy guy!
[/quote]

It's just priorities....as others have said, if you only wanna be around this person after you've golfed yourself silly for the day....it's probably not that great of a match in the first place. You will find someone that actually makes playing a little less golf today in exchange for time with her seem like a good idea. Or, you won't. Either way is fine....but generally when someone is trying to pull you away from something you're passionate about....run. It's not for anyone else to decide how you maximize your happiness in life.

[knockdstiff]

[quote name='MichiganMike' timestamp='1375210891' post='7570310']
Good for you. But I can't help but imagine some alternate scenarios...
---------------------------------
I should add my current girlfriend is extremely supportive of my passion for the game. Today (like most mornings) she was patting me on the butt at 5am saying "Get up, time to go play golf...you can be the first one off the tee...." When I rolled over, she added "Oh, I see you're already up! Maybe you don't have to be first today..."
----------------------------------
I should add my current girlfriend is extremely supportive of my passion for the game. Today (like most mornings) she was patting me on the butt at 5am saying "Get up, time to go play golf...the pool boy is going to be here soon..."
[/quote]


Hadn't thought of it that way.....but we don't have a pool so I think I'm safe at least on that front.

The other morning we were joking how we're both already in our 70's (I am 28 and she is 29) as I was leaving at the a**-crack of dawn to go play and she was stepping out to water the garden.

[vernon]

Just being "up front" with them solves nothing as ALL women think they can change you at a later time. Golf and bass fishing were always my passion and I was "up front" with everyone that I dated. I was 47 when I finally found one that said "OK" and meant it so we got married. It's now 13 years later and life is good. I recently retired and she will as well in a couple of years when we plan to move south so as to be able to play golf and fish year round.

I knew that whoever I was going to spend the rest of my life with was either going to participate in my passions or be left behind. Might sound cruel but I knew myself well enough to know that I would never be happy otherwise AND I was perfectly content living by myself. I was never lonely as I had plenty of friends to spend my free time with including women. I also knew that I never wanted to have children as I'm too selfish with my time and toys so I didn't. Plus kids irritate me. Sorry but they do.

Married friends with kids used to bust on me constantly for not following their lead. Told me I'd have no one to take care of me when I was old. Now THAT'S a helluva reason! Instead I told them that the only difference between me and them in ten years was going to be child support and alimony payments. And in about 70% of the cases I was right. Who's taking care of who now?

Getting married because you are looking for happiness is the wrong way to go. NOBODY is responsible for your happiness but YOU! And any man that marries a woman who needs someone to make her happy will be miserable for as long as they're together. I disagree that marriage is about sacrifices. If you truly have enough in common to make your marriage/relationship work longterm, you will NEVER feel as though you're making sacrifices. At least I don't and I have become the envy of most all of those that thought they had it figured out a long time ago.

Be patient. As was mentioned before - you'll know. No matter how long it takes. Just make sure it's for the right reason. Not because everyone else is doing it.

[Cwing]

[quote name='CosmosMpower' timestamp='1375191313' post='7567828']
You have to have some balance in life. If you want a relationship you'll probably need to back off the golf a bit or find someone that loves golf as much as you do.
[/quote]

^this. Balance can be tough especially when you add children and a job. Me, I swing a orange whip almost daily for about 60 swings and play when I can but sometimes family and friends must come first.

[Big Ben]

I point blank gave my Wife the ultimatum before she said yes, I have a mistress and her name is GOLF! I've held true to my promise and that's just the way it is and always will be...BB

[FutureSuper]

If I could rewind a few years, knowing what I know now I would definitely choose golf over a female.
Keep life simple, less headache and heartache
I am selfish and enjoy my alone time

[Titleist 670]

I'm not sure what woman in their right mind would want to date the OP. You want to work all day, then hit the driving range until you can't see anymore, then come home and trade golf equipment. And when it's the weekend, you want to golf as much as possible. So basically, you'll need a woman who wants to get in a relationship where they see the other person about an hour a day. What exactly are you briging to the table in the relationship? Sounds like pretty much nothing. Just stay single.

There is a difference between a hobby and an obsession.